Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML
Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML
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Top comments
mclauren29 22
Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.
mattb77 9
I guess this way the safety's always on....
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Comments (96)
joeymo304 9
Why are there condoms and cell phones at boot camp?
EvilLittleMan 23
Slip a big ass pair of granny panties complete with chocolate stains and smudges under their mattress.
DylanHasClass 17
When i was in basic, someone in my platoon got a care package.. It was filled with ******.. He was ordered to clean the toilets with them..
Makaze 12
You can use FML in boot camp?? Suck it up pansy.
Jesswokethisfall 11
youre an idiot lol he isnt whining
PegLegRacing 34
You're life doesn't suck that bad if they let you use the Internet in basic training... Military is getting soft.
wdthompson1 18
Wow, I seriously hope you have already graduated or else I do not feel sorry for you. Waaaah, you got punished and posted it on fml while in basic. It's so hard here. I truly hope you get the sarcasm.
tauntastine 1
man boot camp has changed over the years we had no access to the internet and could only call through pay phones that only took phone cards. Embrace the suck-you won't see most of those people in basic training ever again.
BrimfullOfAsher 20
This is my rifle, this is my gun....
bpoppa55 1
That's messed up... Funny but messed up! Unfortunately that call sign is going to stick for a while
supermoony 11
There's Internet access?! That's summer camp!