Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend and mine's six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same, so I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What did he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML
Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML
Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML
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Top comments
therob10 1
I'd rather have the head..
hailphire130 0
You know you regret having to buy him that watch. Don't lie.
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Comments (224)
polocity 0
You have to appreciate the honesty
Quest_ 13
How little does he receive ******** that the prospect of getting one is reserved for special birthday treats?
ReynshineCutting 10
Maybe OP doesn't like giving them. I know I sure don't. I've only gotten my guy off once like that in the 3 years we've been together. If he wants to get off and I don't mind doing it he'll get a hand job or sex. Head is just...ew.
regsworld11 2
Take the damn watch back then! And give him what he wants ;)
Enslaved 38
Time to give him head. ***Blow jobs and breakfast in bed (pancakes and bacon) are my guy's idea of the perfect birthday gift.
mike307 11
F$&@ing right!
perdix 31
March 14 is just around the corner. On that day, you can grant his wish and give him a steak.
Enslaved 38
I had no idea what the hell you were talking about until I urban dictionary it. Okay, now I understand. Haha.
Randy84 10
Ahhhhh, national steak and a ******* day, every mans favorite holiday.
perdix 31
Yeah, you'd think! I'm such a nerd that 3/14 is just Pi Day, at 3:49:20.53AM..., to be precise.
ikickgingers 15
You know what would be better?! Two cocks in your ass!!!!
perdix 31
Better for whom?
Randy84 10
111 - DPing the ballonknot is a no go
ikickgingers 15
121 & 125 - steaks, blow jobs and birthdays remind me of Jim Jefferies - hence the **** in ass quote. :/
schoolbumz 7
uhhhhhhh wtf?
ceddyz17 10
Cant go wrong with priceless gifts haha
prinzess_fml 25
You say this because you probably have no idea about luxury watches (with all due respect). It's like if someone bought you some really expensive designer clothes, maybe they look fabulous but maybe it's not your taste at all and you would never ever wear them. My boyfriend is a huge fan of fine timepieces. He forbids me to buy him anything by surprise because he is very picky about them and it would be a shame if I'd spend a lot of money and he would never wear the watch.
ceddyz17 10
Umm I was going for a haha funny joke but that works too
19eightyeight 4
61 I like how your bf thinks. I'm a luxury watch fanatic too.
BobOsso_fml 8
See, guys really are easy to shop for. I'd have taken the bj too and a card and you could have used the money to buy something for yourself.
VicmahnFml 0
Easy to please... Shoot... He's not materialistic, return the watch get on your knees and say "ahhh"
xijinping 3
can not agree more with the 26th poster...
Jenniferx333 0
Lol tht suck and how the **** do u put a pic up?
RedPillSucks 33
gotta be on the computer, not the mobile app.
gatorkiss 0
Go to account hit edit and choose from your photos on phone unless it's on another device.