Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the sixth day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML
Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I realized the only way for me to actually socialize is to smoke a joint. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I got off a boring day at work and went to the casino because my wife wanted me to go and it sounded fun. I have been sitting here doing nothing but talk about people's lives in the non-smoking section. FML
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Top comments
lavagirl 0
OMG.....is this my ex-husband?
Timmytwofinger 0
just top it off and invest in a bong
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Comments (146)
iamireland 1
I don't want to be harsh (lots of people above have already got that covered) but, if you get to sleep in 'til 1 everyday, you have a GREAT life, don't pity yourself, make the most of it.
abalgatti 0
ur one of the fxckers happy about the health care bill arent u op?
playhockey 0
play xbox lol that will significantaly improve your life
StarryMoon1264 0
Sounds fun to me.
frosting1012 0
u sound like a Ray of sunshine
melonsmasherrr 0
god damn go do something else with your life
xRepTarddx 0
get. ******* life dude! get of your ass and kiss a girl dnt just watch the suck dick and get ****** on a Porno ... go do it yourself but if your too pussy bigtube.com pornhub restive mofosex there's alot
xo_cutie_xo137 0
I feel bad for you, but the only one who can change your life is you. Stop complaining, kick the nicotine, get a girlfriend and be happy!
StijnJanssen 0
Quit smoking, start jerking off more.
Gfrigo 1
get a job u ****** bum.