Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the sixth day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML
Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I realized the only way for me to actually socialize is to smoke a joint. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I got off a boring day at work and went to the casino because my wife wanted me to go and it sounded fun. I have been sitting here doing nothing but talk about people's lives in the non-smoking section. FML
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Top comments
lavagirl 0
OMG.....is this my ex-husband?
Timmytwofinger 0
just top it off and invest in a bong
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Comments (146)
Waspinator1998 21
Replace cigarettes with video games...replace coffee with soda...and you'll have my life.
corocoro 30
If you're unhappy with your life, change it. Giving up and moping never helped anybody (or at least not a statistically significant number of people ;)).
secretlady99 6
wow, busy schedule. how on earth did you find time to come cry on here? p.s get a job you useless tit
SonyIsGod 13
This sounds very interesting, in a modern gothic loner sort of way. Theoretically.
BlueNic 3
Get a job...
AntiSocialKitten 21
This sounds exactly like my boyfriend, only difference is he plays his Xbox and he has a girlfriend
nicolie0322 9
so i went to read the comments hoping to get a good laugh out of others chewing your ass for being a lazy nasty and was disappointed. i hope everyone is being sarcastic. Get up and do something with your life idiot
haley_alena 13
That is all completely your fault
NoOrdinaryNZer 28
Ok...wow
teacupofsunshine 29
So you eat? Shower?and ...facilitate ?might wanna ad those to your busy agenda. lol