Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's the sixth day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML
Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I realized the only way for me to actually socialize is to smoke a joint. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I got off a boring day at work and went to the casino because my wife wanted me to go and it sounded fun. I have been sitting here doing nothing but talk about people's lives in the non-smoking section. FML
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Top comments
lavagirl 0
OMG.....is this my ex-husband?
Timmytwofinger 0
just top it off and invest in a bong
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Comments (146)
Timmytwofinger 0
just top it off and invest in a bong
PoopTrainDix 0
get a ****** life loser
spitbubbles 0
it's on my bday
LegitDGK 0
fake cuZ cigarettes cost money and u don't work
SadinSherman 16
Maybe he is rich
Randalltk421 0
Jersey...
Gema2dicks 0
What a life.
22cute 17
Get a job! Make an effort.
Catkam623 27
Get some weed have some fun.
deunan_fml 0
internet will save your soul.
randomguy1millon_fml 0
moving away from jersey would help too
22cute 17
Or you could just kill yourself. I mean why waste a life? You could be learning something or helping others but it's all about entertaining you. YDI no matter how you got there.
stephan18 23
In this case Internet would lead to more jacking off
Rainbowsareshiny 0
hahaha #3 has a point. seriously, if you're that upset about it...jerk off somewhere more exciting. the bedroom can get old lol but really, you're not the only one so don't feel too bad. my ex is probably doing the exact same thing, just have fun. if it doesn't feel good, make it feel good.
stephan18 23
Whats with the ex comment? You're trying to insult him on FML but no one knows him or you.. What's the point?
blah_blah_shity 0
hahahaha. smoking weed would be more fitting
wyzrd71 0
I'm thinking the same thing..... FYL
kylr123 3
That will make it more fun anyday, and actually healthierthan cigarettes
psc159 2
127 - Healthier? You mean, not as bad. Smoking marijuana is still worse than not.
lavagirl 0
OMG.....is this my ex-husband?
trey9991 0
**** YOU BITCH ^^^^
your_face 15
I agree, your life sounds like it sucks, and I sympathize with you for that. But I also agree with everyone else who has posted, and will post, saying that you have to turn it around yourself. Tomorrow, while you're out getting coffee and cigarettes, ask for an application. And on your way home, look in shop windows to see if anyone has a hiring sign. And when you get home grab a newspaper and search for job openings there. And if you can't get a job, at least get yourself out of the house - go to a bar or something, at least you'll meet people there.
JeanNe91 0
throw in a little booze and weed, and your life's perfect!
fullfillyourlife 0
ok this is what you do call a dealer, get some weed some brownie mix grind the weed so it looks shred make brownie mix put weed into mix now this is important stir good bake and enjoy
kirstyfaerie 0
get a hobby. knitting is fun. or a girlfriend, if only to avoid the hand cramp.
minus_fml 0
Are you my brother?