Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's the sixth day in a row my roommate has not left our dorm room. I miss jacking off. FML
Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I realized the only way for me to actually socialize is to smoke a joint. FML
Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML
Today, I got off a boring day at work and went to the casino because my wife wanted me to go and it sounded fun. I have been sitting here doing nothing but talk about people's lives in the non-smoking section. FML
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Top comments
lavagirl 0
OMG.....is this my ex-husband?
Timmytwofinger 0
just top it off and invest in a bong
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Comments (146)
jdortega 2
You sound exactly like the guy I work with...and he's from new jersey. The year is 2012, get a hobby
catarina40448 0
your complaining?
make_me_smile 4
This man should be named "fattest lazy ass" of the year
ClassicalAnime 1
Your a pig
coolster5000 22
COME ON MAN!! you can do way better than that . go get a job! meet a girl! do some thing other than that with your life . And for all those idiots that are telling u to smoke weed instead , that will just simply screw your life and end u up in jail or in the hospital. NEVER STOP TRYING TO GET OUT OF THAT HELLISH LIFE. and never stop believing that you can, and will get out and get your old life back.
Akerra89 14
So you steal the cigs or what? You apparently have no income...
kmv3 9
WTF is wrong with you?
californianking1 8
Drink alcohol when in need, alcohol: the cure for everything
hush_fml 9
You sound a lot like an ex of mine. How about you quit smoking, wanking and feeling sorry for yourself and go get a job?
gators1995 30
Sounds very productive