Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML
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Top comments
damadrappa 4
Someones jealous
GuitarFail123 9
wow... thats umm interesting to say the least....
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Comments (239)
SadinSherman 16
You should invest in pepper spray and tasers
jayemdoubleyou 1
Holy **** creeper.
pricklypie 0
Ewww creepy
perdix 31
Tell him that you will DEFINITELY call him the next time you clog your toilet with one of your massive dumps. His femmy emo son freaks out every time she clogs the john with poo -- she'll need a "real man" to clean out her pipes.
SkardeyKat 3
That's why I want a "real" man around, to unclog the toilet and kill spiders.
perdix 31
I thought that would be a clever way to get rid of him, unless his name was Dirty Sanchez.
JSylvestre 6
Oh my gosh! That's just gross
beccak2012 6
O_o whoa is he hot?
Joey44 15
Not sure if joking... or just has really weird priorities.
katiaklever 0
Ur not.
Evie_fml 14
My ex's father said that exact same thing to me. It's messed up.
ILoveBabyPeter 0
Is that why he's your ex now?:P
Poetaster 10
Tell the boyfriend and, if there is a wife, tell her too. Chances are she knows the dad's a lurker. Let the crap hit who it hits.
alcoman 4
Oh yeah!
zano74 0
when are you gonna call?
casaco 0
Ghostbusters?