Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML
Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML
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Top comments
damadrappa 4
Someones jealous
GuitarFail123 9
wow... thats umm interesting to say the least....
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Comments (239)
adumbhuman 2
Euk. Gross!!!!
eurekaroy 6
Well did you ask him if he could give you a real mans number then?
Daralea 21
so not sqrt(-1) ?
Torva_fml 16
When do you plan on calling him?
nessaspissed 0
I'm guessing NEVER
shayzzz 0
yuck.
skinthesnakes 6
I heard erectile disfunction works wonders...
iFizzgig 11
Today, I was on break with my coworker when I read this comment and laughed so hard sweet tea came out of my nose and onto her. FML
RedPillSucks 33
So he can take one of those little blue pills and have a 4 hour erection. Plenty of time to use it to point to a real man unless he passes out first.
malignantmegan 3
Lol please post the number some of us could be having fun, and by fun I mean the next FML being from him complaining about too many drunken texts/phone calls. C'mon, wouldn't that be great? ;)
imcutefml 0
Those designs in ur pic are amazing!
Savra_fml 17
555-REAL-MAN
malignantmegan 3
104- it's called kandi and I make and sell it message me for more info if you are interested
Mads933 1
Yeah. I agree those are really amazing!
spazz666 18
Do you get your patterns off Kandipatterns or do you design them? XD my mask always gets stuck on my industrialll >.>
malignantmegan 3
129- thanks dear :)
malignantmegan 3
149- I design some On my own and I get a few off there just depends on whether I can make it myself/or I find one I like
Llama_Face89 34
I have honestly never seen a kandi mask like that! It's sick...make me one? :D
iFizzgig 11
404-PUP-LODA, y'all have fun
malignantmegan 3
191 email me :)
Mads933 1
How do you buy them cause I can't figure it out? An I really want one.(:
malignantmegan 3
229- I make you a custom one or whatever you want and post it on yardsellr sweetie :)
Mads933 1
Nicee! Can you make me one?
malignantmegan 3
Email me lol view my profile thingy
boner_till_icoll 0
maybe he means it in a good way ..
Meme1988 18
No
JHandAC 4
Well, either he was joking or he wants to have sex with his sons girlfriend. PEOPLE, QUICKLY- PICK A SIDE... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... DING, DING, DING- YOUR TIME IS UP CONTESTANTS!!! The verdicts please? I say 'joking'. What say you FML?
Seduisant 7
You sound like an annoying person to be around.
Savra_fml 17
Where would the FML be if it was a joke?
GrooveSponge 0
41, you don't have to be such a little bitch about it. People these days...
CryMoreFMLs 15
I vote he's going to pull the "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" trick.
drawmesunshine 17
41, You currently have 41 thumbs up. This is pleasing to me.
KailyKii 11
He just has balls, hopfully for you, giant ones.
DocBastard 40
Dad: Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man feels like. OP: Call me when you're ready to feel what my foot in your ass feels like.
Savra_fml 17
Dad: Nah, I already know. It feels like a coke bottle.
tabarnak_fml 7
What up with you replying to every comment trying to be funny...
Savra_fml 17
64, I'm bored. And I'll do what I want. Not allowed to reply? What up with you stalking me?
MagicallyFat 12
Or a toy car…
Flags4life 4
Good one(: