Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML
Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jen1097 25
Let's hope it's just gossip...
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Did he also do it in a drug test cup?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (39)
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Did he also do it in a drug test cup?
vikky538 29
Leave no cup unfilled.
PeterB444 17
Only real FML aficionados will understand.
jen1097 25
You are the future
HitmanKillsYou 13
if thats true, the ***** wrong with him? lol
coolmike699 26
I hope the damage your brother did to your reputation isn't spermanent.
Dilexar 26
Best pun I've heard so far in the comments. Good job.
Miss_Whipped 43
Well you already know he's done it in your house, so why sweat it? You don't live his life, so it's really not your problem. :)
GolgiTendonOs 18
Wait, you're not supposed to do that? Oh...
CaptainSmith28 19
At least they weren't talking about you
Jonkbaby 23
don't worry OP, that's pretty much all boys
PhasesPhantom 22
No it isn't?
Sathane 21
So? Who hasn't jerked off at every house they've been to?
Zebediabolical 45
Me. But then, if I spend more than 20 minutes at someone's house, or go back for a third time, I make sure to mark my territory by taking a massive dump.
LenUrban 14
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH LOL I CAN'T
josefkoe 7
at least they wernt talking about you