Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique, and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML
Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
emjoy 0
That is horrifying. I hope you ended it there
causelifehappens 0
haha, what did you expect you met him online.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
happyhak 5
You should of replied, "Yes, that is true: Big girls like doing that, but only two guys with big dicks" That would have shut him up!
SlightlyObsessed 0
Win. ^_^
unFmyLife 0
lol. Thats great!
Korrie32 2
To*
SimplyDeviant 1
you should've kicked him
blackkat341 0
ouch that sux haha I wdve kicked his ass
xdre09x 0
(insert what #11 said) lol
perdix 31
He thought that since his **** looked like a hot dog or sausage, that it would remind you of food. Your bloated, flabby, corpulent body tells the world you love food too much. Therefore, he would believe that you would love to pleasure his food-shaped appendage. To counter that logic, grab one of your fat rolls and tell him that you got it because you like to EAT hot dogs, not just suck them. Then get out a knife and ask him if he is willing to make the sacrifice to satisfy you. That'll shut him up.
noPENGSinALASKA 0
I love perdix!!!!!!!
deadxlife 0
hahahahaha #5 FTW although you deserve it for dating online it's for losers and see what kind of douchebag you meet hahaha
srd3 0
what a party pooper!!!!
audreyohhh 0
oh perdix lol
smrtblkguy 0
lmfao that is funny!