Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse, the fact that I now know that she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML
Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML
Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML
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Top comments
FML_x2 0
Your mom does the five knuckle shuffle too? O_o
xsydbabyx 0
Sicko?! What the hell? Whas wrong with masturbating? Oh yea but seriously, lock the door.
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Comments (82)
xsydbabyx 0
Sicko?! What the hell? Whas wrong with masturbating? Oh yea but seriously, lock the door.
podrummer9209 0
Ugh. Wow. I stop my parents immediately whenever sex comes up. Keep repeating the words "Too weird, change the subject" over and over until they get so frustrated that don't even bother finishing the talk. Syd, there's nothing at all wrong with it, besides the fact that someone else might just be willing to do it for you ;)
xXBlackHorse666X 0
#27 - or just keep your hands clamped over your ears, shaking your head, yelling "LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!"
mysteryman123 0
haha tuggin' the tiger. jerkin the girkin
teentee401 37
*gherkin
FML_x2 0
Your mom does the five knuckle shuffle too? O_o
ibrakefordonuts 0
I think the mom is referring to "masturbation" in general not just the five knuckle shuffle....
ItIsMeSRC 7
It was a joke...
Dorque 0
~cough~ Is she hot? ~cough~ ~shifty eyes~
writerajere 0
I've never heard it described as the "five knuckle shuffle" before, that made me laugh, the rest of it made me cringe.
edlarom 0
LMAO @ #10
flippinsweet17 0
ALRIGHT! EVERYBODY! The Five Knuckle Shuffle is a God damn wrestling move okay? He's not masturbating. Jesus. Either this kid makes up names for jacking off, or he is actually referring to a wrestling move done by John Cena. I'm pretty sure he's talking about wrestling, and how it's embarrassing that his mom does it too. You guys are weird lol.
fromthesuck 8
you're kidding right? or are you that dumb. obviously you don't understand what context is. yes he is talking about jacking off. playing the pork flute. chopping wood. spanking the monkey. and even choking the chicken. the five knuckle shuffle fits into that if yet again you understood context. and it actually funny
ThatGuyRory 9
@56 You realise she's joking, right? Fail.
melicakes 0
Five knuckle shuffle? hah, Never heard that one before But wow, that sucks. Thats gotta be awkward..
Zapurdead 3
Is she telling you that she DOES the five knuckle shuffle as well, or just that she wanks off?