Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML
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Top comments
mrnicety 0
That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny
Saluton 18
uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.
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Comments (194)
blueraspberry 0
just beacause a guy is hard doesnt necessarily mean hes up for sex, get over yourself. Im sure youve turned him down before. mint chocolate chip icecream is sooo yummy!!
deja54 0
#112 lol You're right. I need to keep a more open mind.
cgchoua 0
#104 said it perfectly. but come on, who doesn't want to start the day with a nice morning ****? he obviously didn't get the hint.
CAITx4OH1xCORE 0
yup. thats the first thing i thought when i read that, morning bonerrrr.
HeroicLegend01 0
hey if you want to be pleased please your man, i'm sure once he was had a take of that Ice cream you were sure to get yours =)
mattmag 0
i've never been in love with another guy before. but now i think i am.
pnkfld7892 0
Dude mint chip ice cream is sexy XD id totaly get hard for that!! but yeah so he wanted ice cream nbd
emt409 0
Guys get hard during the REM cycles of their sleep...naturally. You're an idiot.
Nanospeed 0
#103 u idiot keep ur religious beliefs to urself
AFlora 0
Ice cream when you wake up is weird but morning wood happens to us all and usually its just you got to piss nothing sexual at all i usually ask for some frosted flakes but thats just me