Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML
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Top comments
mrnicety 0
That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny
Saluton 18
uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.
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Comments (194)
balanceMMX 0
isn't there a song about morning wood?
eoh42 0
#121, you are an idiot. I am not even religious. This is just common sense.
Logica42 0
Ahahahha, #118. But dude, seriously, yeeeeees! Mint chocolate chip ftfw.
Fields4mint 0
He was asleep. You're an idiot to think that you'd wake him up and that he'd be in his right mind. If you really want to get his mind on you immediately, go down on him to wake him up.
flyhigh26 0
Well mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream is pretty delicious.
Blind_Ninja 0
If you really wanted some, you should have got some. He was hard, it would have worked. Even if it wasn't the first thing on my mind, I'm sure his mind would have switched gears quickly enough for a morning quicky. I slept over with a girl once and she took advantage of my morning wood. I didn't stop her. Then she made me breakfast. So I won.
N0Luck 0
i agree with #126. But don't be too gentle, or too rough. He might pee on you
humorful 0
KINK?
heha96133 0
Guys get boners in their sleep. Even if they aren't horny.
titaniumten 0
The problem wasn't that you opened your mouth. The problem was that words came out of it.