Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML
Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
xJC77x 0
Did it still turn you on?
lolorly 0
Your name is "gleefan" and you have a girlfriend?
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Comments (109)
PunxsatownyPhil 0
I know OP's a lesbian, but I couldn't help but think of "**** in my pants"
fierystage 8
Um, you don't learn how to say things like that in elementary French. It's usually things like "Je m'appelle Marie, tu t'appelles comment? Ça va? Je vais bien." I don't think I learned the words "maigrir" or "perdre du poids" until I was in my third year of French.
Lord_of_0 4
If the OP was having sex, something tells me that she wasn't in elementary. Just saying.
Efilyn 0
Elementary as in beginner level, not elementary school.
SweptAway 0
well it was in French so at least it sounded pretty. And you said she had just started French classes, so maybe she meant something else. Either that or it's all she knows how to say.
bonjovi_rules 0
well i personally am a chuckyish person but did weigh like 270 in my fatter days now im 170...... but i dont feel sorry for any fat people unless they have a legitimant reason like a certain illness... put down the f***ing twinkie trust me if i can turn down a ho ho anyone can.
Spastastic 6
Chuckyish? You're like a scary talking doll?? I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke. I couldn't resist.
GCSB 0
She probably didn't mean it.. it's probably the only thing she knows how to say well, and she probably thought it SOUNDED pretty... I'm Sicilian, and the only thing I can say is "old age is a pain in the ass". I'm 21, but the way it sounds is pretty :-)
LeToaste 0
tu devrais perdre breaucoup de poids
mattmag 0
At least you came. Why complain?
UpYoursInAdvance 0
So wait... you're a girl right OP?!
Bobissmall 13
... so?
Spastastic 6
I love how shocked everyone seems when an fml is about a gay couple...
Contra 0
Honesty = best policy ;)
mintcar 10
Lose the weight and quitcherbitchin'