Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML
Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
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Top comments
xJC77x 0
Did it still turn you on?
lolorly 0
Your name is "gleefan" and you have a girlfriend?
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Comments (109)
KCTruth4 0
Your girlfriend owned u
avengedjerrrufol 0
sorry dude but weak...
mmayawn 0
first of all I agree with 6. second why don't you just ask her if she wants u to lose a few. of your ******* I'm sure you can ask such a question or maybe that just me
Sungoon 0
Vous avez besoin de maigrir :)
Freeze_fml 17
Do not want... mental picture of a fat lesbian.
Schizomaniac 24
I think it's too late for all of us. :/
mageoreh 0
fap fap fap
Freeze_fml 17
People rating my comment down. :( Sorry fat lesbians. Lose some weight.
Lord_of_0 4
Lesbians, unlike in the troll's bible, were not created to ********** to. It doesn't matter if they're ugly (something tells me that you'd never have the chance to sleep with one anyway), they have feelings.
Freeze_fml 17
Who said anything about masturbating? I would hope I never have a chance of sleeping with an ugly lesbian. Yuck. For the record, I'm talking about fat lesbians. In fact, fat people in general. Her being a lesbian is mostly irrelevant.
linx468 8
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung. haha xD
storm3_sasuke 0
hahaha fattie!!!!
perdix 31
I can't blame you, French is a very sexy language. Their word for "hardware store" gives me an instant semi. If spoken by a hot French girl, then it would be full-on solid wood.
lerouxmaster 7
So " quincaillerie" turns you on ? xD
perdix 31
Boing! Yeah, that's it. I'm imagining Marion Cotillard saying it . . . um, I'm gonna need a couple of minutes of me-time. Wish me luck. See ya.
LaidToRest48 9
Quincaillerie? :)
cathylee22 4
hey at least it got you off in the moment and look at it this way, she's still having sex with you even if she happens to mean what she said. So ummm I think this is a win win not an fml.
spiderbesideher 0
i bet you have lovely freckles on your ****, so show us please
xxjoseph1543xx 0
Tell her, je ne t'aime pas maintenant parce que vous penses que je dois maigrir.