Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
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Top comments
KatherineAnne 7
You sure know how to pick um! Haha
chick92282 15
And then you broke up with the thieving little slime, right? PLEASE tell me you broke up with the @ss!
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Comments (178)
KatherineAnne 7
You sure know how to pick um! Haha
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
2 WOW thank you for not saying FIRST! YOURE DOING GODS WORK.
VictoriaSchultz 8
I'm sure he's stolen worse. He could be on America's Most Wanted for all you know? Those people make me scared af
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
22 Im not going to lie that was pretty funny but to be honest I dont really care that much. Seriously calm down.
plaguer 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
*'em
My_Misery 0
Did you even read his comment properly? Fail on so many levels :|
_Oblivion_ 12
11 LIKE OMG he actually made a regular comment unlike yours LIKE HOLY SHIT!!!
rocklare18 7
lolz you did the same...so did I •_•
RegenaGeorge 0
What's ambien
mpfau797 0
Sleep meds. Hypnotics that you can use to feel high. I think?
ladyLALAA 29
An ambien would make all of you chill the frick out!
My_Misery 0
Ugh I'm done with this site. I get massively thumbed down and buried for pointing out that drgentlemn has no reading comprehension skills. Yet all these other idiotic posts are praised. So excited to live in a future with so many idiots...
mattmadden 0
Oh no please don't leave 171! I'll never sleep again knowing what we've all caused you! By the way that name fits you perfectly. ;)
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
173 sure you will just borrow som ambien from OP boyfriend(Probably ex boyfriend)
lilypad7275 0
You are the cutest couple ever!!!! Awwwwwww :)
evig_fml 16
Can you blame him for knowing the good stuff?
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
To be honest Ive always been more of an valium man myself. like to be classy when Im getting filthy white trash drunk.
pinkcrayola 0
I know ambien is fun and all, but stealing it from someone else's parents is effed up.
bitch_pleez 10
Yes, yes I can. I blame him for being an idiot. Sorry OP, your boyfriend is retarded.
mars13_fml 8
If you are going to steal something at least steal a drug that is worth it. OP should definitely break up with that retard though that was just pathetic.
Calyx_fml 22
Funny how this comment gets thumbs up when all the pro weed comments get thumbed down. I swear, most people are total hypocrites when it comes to mind altering substances, legal or otherwise.
ganjaranja 10
haha you gotta give him some credit, finding a whole bottle first time over takes some skill! If only he was skilled in common sense smh
octopussperm125 18
DAT SUM GOOD SHIT!!!!! Tiger Woods
esines 9
That's what I was thinking 96. If someone even mentions the two words "weed" and "good" on FML they get buried, but then everyone thumbs up the guys that pop pills
Meettitan 14
POT??? MOMMY SAYS THATS BAD!!! *thumb down*
evig_fml 16
I didn't realize my comment made me a pill popper, congratulations you lost the game
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
Yeah 144 I would be dissapointed if my girlfriend completely skipped over the 8 ball in by bag and picked up some nyquill instead.
supimnyancat 9
What a sneaky little ******.
chick92282 15
And then you broke up with the thieving little slime, right? PLEASE tell me you broke up with the @ss!
siickman 7
Or maybe we can get him some help. Really not a huge thing to break it off over ._.
itsame0987 18
Stealing from the girlfriend's parents isn't that big of a deal? I feel sorry for whoever dates you. Op leave his sorry butt. If he has the balls to steal from your parents he will steal from you.
chick92282 15
Let's review: this was the first time OP's boyfriend had been around his parents, thus we can assume that this might not be a serious relationship. If OP hasn't been dating this man for long, she should RUN in the opposite direction. If it was a long-term, serious, committed relationship you might (MIGHT) have a point. In my house, however, if anyone stole, or tried to steal, from me or my parents they would be escorted to the door posthaste, and most probably the escort would be carrying his/her choice of firearm. If someone was caught with drugs in my house he/she would still be escorted out, though the presence or absence of a firearm would be dependent on the kind of drug. Either way, I stand by my comment.
siickman 7
True and true... I didnt mean to say stealing is not a big deal i just thought maybe you didnt have to get all butt hurt, try setting things straight. Im just not the kind of person to end a relationship like that, sucks being in a generation that breaks up over everything. But in this FML its more understandable to break up. I dont know i keep talking im just boring the shit out of everyone >.
jizzwold 21
Meh
rocklare18 7
57 what if it was marijuana
MrSassypants 34
^ chick 92282 Apparently you have a stoner that wants to visit your house.
chick92282 15
@90- Marijuana is tricky! Probably you would be asked to leave dinner if you just showed up with pot and were all obvious about it, especially if it was the first time you were meeting my parents. There would definitely not be firearms involved, though I'd be pissed. My personal problem w/ marijuana is just that it's illegal and that bringing an illegal substance into my parents' home shows disrespect to them and to me. Other than that, it wouldn't really bother me.
yummylicious 5
#39- The issue is not that he has trouble sleeping, it's that he stole from OP's parents. He sounds untrustworthy, OP.
ShyAnn29 15
It's a good thing he wasn't at my house, my medicine is a lot stronger, so if he took it and something bad happened, I'd feel awful about it! (sorry, I forgot what I was going to say, so I just rambled, lol)
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
Definitely not a keeper, that one...
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
On the contrary, that's exactly what he is. A keeper of other people's shit.
courtz94 24
I agree
alexup24 13
agree, I do...
jizzwold 21
Do I agree?
ZeroPath5 16
Wow.......All I need to say...FYL
LupeTabasco 5
There is a button for that...
mgkgambino 3
C'mon man..
eiddam1234 4
You're freaking 12! Go out side and play! Stop playing on your freaking phone or computer or whatever else you have!
t765234 10
Wow, 2 comments posted at the same time on the same day, one with thirty thumbs up and the other with thirty down. Double standard ftw.
Klug_fml 7
The man knows what he wants.
SliceOfCake 9
He's a real go getter. * bad dum tsss*
jizzwold 21
He's a real prescription pill popper. * bad dum tsss*
iStrukk 7
At least he knows what he wants!!:p
daaniel69 6
Damn, nice boyfriend you've got there...
KiddNYC1O 22
Homeboy!
ycrem0n 21
He's climbing in your windows, snatching your ambien up.
nofearjenshere 12
Trying to take 'em so ya'll need to hide yo meds, hide yo drugs.
petraphotoDOTca 6
lmfao!
The_Hitdude 12
...and hide yo purse 'cause he'll come take yo money too.
TayonaC 10
^ Everything sounded good till you had to add your 2 cents -.-
The_Hitdude 12
You're right, I did kind of screw up the flow...but there's no need to be a bitch Tayona. Chill.
xcarxcrashx 9
HIDE YO KIDS HIDE YO WIFE! They rapin everyone out here!!
pagullarka 9
Well all his piercings and his tattoos should have gave you some clues
SammySteel 6
Don't discriminate.
OhDearBetrayal 25
It's just what we need guys; stereotyping.
boundbytheanimus 9
I honestly can't understand how you came to the conclusion that he has piercings and tattoos. I find guys with some piercings and tattoos very attractive, actually.
shannonreneee 11
I have seen plenty of drug users and thieves without tattoos and piercing.
DocBastard 40
Don't feed the troll, folks. Nothing to see here. Move along.
Briscuit 24
Your boyfriend sounds like a snake. I wouldn't want to be dating anyone like that.... Hopefully you cut him loose.
Isoldael 27
What are you insulting snakes for? :
claire3791 5
Lol
Briscuit 24
49- you're right. That was rude of me. D: I apologize, snakes. Your boyfriend sounds like a SNEAK* Better? :)
jizzwold 21
I imagined the snake in his picture saying that.