Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Tell him he has Toupée extra for that. I hope he doesn't try to give it a little wig-gle in there.
Myo_fml 20
15: I do believe that I am going to need years of therapy after reading that.
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Comments (99)
Lioness8197 18
Is it supposed to seen like lesbian sex?
a1f0sff 25
It might even be a test so he knows how she'll react to a threesome.
Pleonasm 36
Maybe he can't grow any hair down there... I'm imagining a clown wig down there, him with a clown nose on, honking a little horn while doing her, and then squirting her with a flower in the face when he climaxes. I guess it's just me.
Myo_fml 20
15: I do believe that I am going to need years of therapy after reading that.
Catkam623 27
I don't believe I'll ever sleep again because every time I close my eyes ill see that picture.
poccocurantes 7
So your saying the wife will be jerkin the merkin. If you don't know what a merkin is it is a pubic wig.
asb818 14
15, please pass me the brain bleach.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Lesbian sex is a wholeeee lot different then sex with a man. I know this because I'm a lesbian.
Lioness8197 18
49- I meant is the husband going to feel like a woman because of the wig?
beddington 7
The question now becomes does OP like Blondes, Brunettes, or Red Heads
jmelsha11 11
48- He used it up after he walked in on his sister plucking her nipples.
theneatoburrito 8
Now that's a hairy situation! *Thumbs down*
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Yep, pretty much :)
dixiefoxx 22
At least you knew you were going to get thumbed down :)
malfanese 6
This seems like it could get hairy.
nycwrestler 17
Oh, no shit?
mistercrow 9
hairry and scaryy. That's how they like it ;D
Pleonasm 36
Tell him he has Toupée extra for that. I hope he doesn't try to give it a little wig-gle in there.
bossroyd 4
I can't be-weave someone would want to do that
Pleonasm 36
Yea, what a hair-piece of work.
ManInTheMachine 20
I would say she should find out where he keeps them, then (b)raid the place in the middle of the night and trash them. Or she could just strand her ground and tell him it's knot going to happen any time soon. Unless she lice that kind of thing.
priceyfml 7
Pleonasm you are the king of puns. Thank you.
Sputnikspak 13
I gave you a thumbs up for the Carey Price picture. Goddamn I wish the NHL weren't so pants-on-head retarded.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
I dread to think what OP's husband was thinking, I think we'd all be app-bald if it happened to us! But hair-nyway, maybe OP liked it, who knows :) I mane don't love it 'til you try it, right? Maybe he put the wigs on and they went 'fro it!
kingsian 15
Well damn, at least he didn't come home with a strap-on.
Pleonasm 36
It depends, if it's one of those velcro wigs, then technically he did. Although that's a whole lot less exciting, and confusing, than a *****.
rattusrattus 19
Dude, strap-ons are AWESOME. But yeah, you should ask about stuff like this before actually buying them. "Would you be OK with me wearing ladies' wigs during sex?" would go down a lot better than "LOOK! WE'RE GONNA HAVE WIG NOOKIE!"
happle 21
Why would he need a strap-on if he already has a penis?
ilovegordon 6
Are you serious? I can't tell. If you are, where's your imagination?
kingsian 15
37- it's not for him to wear its for his wife to wear
kingsian 15
38- No I'm not serious. I was just trying to get her to look at the good side while making a half ass joke but I just it didn't catch.
Nordah 15
27 - I was thinking along the same line. Personally, I feel like these sorts of kinks should be out in the open prior to a marriage. I mean, it might be embarrassing, but if it gets you off, it gets you off. You need to make sure your partner is willing to meet you there or compromise.
RedPillSucks 33
An your response was... 1. Great, I got some rope and a whip from the sex shop, so this should be really fun. 2. Great, I'm going to grow out my ****** and armpit hair to match the wigs
emeraldisle 30
That's one way to "spice" things up. Seems a little creepy to me.
Cbizzlez 10
Dude looks like a lady! Ba-na ba-na dude looks like a lady
Pleonasm 36
Me too, it's disconcerting.
Enslaved 38
Whenever I spell "banana" I get the "Hollaback Song" playing in my mind. :P
Pleonasm 36
Yep. Damn you, Gwen Stefani, for making me spell out the word banana rhythmically everytime I hear it.
unixdude 9
If you won't please your husband, someone else will.
mistercrow 9
Like my step dad. Just kidding. 0.e
perdix 31
Why won't you wear a wig? If he's finally making an effort to "spice up" your sex life, it means that he has been bored for quite a while. If he wants to wear the wigs, boredom may be the least of your problems. You ought to get a jacket and tie, and grow out your 'stache ;)
Werken247 14
Agreed Perdix. I think it's more of FHL for being stuck with a prude that would refuse to even wear wig. Poor bastard prob hasn't had a ******** since they got married.
emilyjgraham 34
Maybe he's always had a fantasy of having sex with 'different characters' or different types of women. If you think positively it's a lot better than him going and actually finding those other types of women and just wants to experience fun with his wife.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Wanting to "spice up your sex life" doesn't necessarily mean that you're "bored".
emilyjgraham 34
62, if he isn't bored why does he feel the need to spice up his sex life?