Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I tried to be helpful at a family dinner and offered to carve the roast. The knife slipped, the serving tray tipped. My uncle caught it with his bare hand like a movie hero. Everyone praised him for dinner-saving reflexes while I quietly sat down. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
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Top comments
grahambertus 11
"wanna know how I got these scars?"
HondaKidd 5
Buahaha! Derp
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Comments (168)
DomDomxoxo 16
Fist pump your way to the hospital!!!
FMLsOhilarious 6
YDI for fist pumping.
williamcarter93 13
damn fool.
BunBunBabe 8
Next time carefully execute your victory dance.. Or ya know just set the knife down next time haha
MigraineurOfLife 15
Thank God you didn't stab your eye! O_O
HaniahAhmad 0
:O
OfficeNinja 5
Now when you drink anything, it will dribble out of your mouth from the new cheek hole you created. Your parents will have a lot more opportunity to laugh.
gonad_gobbler 1
You have to be more careful op! the steaks are high when dealing with those kinds of knives! disclaimer: I know it's stakes, it's a pun
FMLsOhilarious 6
A pun that makes no sense.
DocBastard 40
Gobbler, the pun was good, but when you need to explain a pun or joke, it ruins the comedic effect. Let the idiots who don't get it thumb you down and make stupid comments like "it's stake, ur dum" so the rest of us can laugh at them.
MainPrism 16
I agree with #18... But if you do decide to fist-pump again whilst catching a knife make sure to use the other hand...
ddeathbombb 5
Lucky