Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML
Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
always put knives in blade down
emmaleeislamee 0
Wow, you're mum seems like such a nice lady.
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Comments (111)
emmaleeislamee 0
Wow, you're mum seems like such a nice lady.
eshhayz 0
period blood? or just from the finger wound
TengoCojones 0
23 is a jerk
DocBastard 40
proff, you seriously need some new material. telling the same joke over and over isn't cutting it. Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh... MOOOOOOOOOOO! Now you try it.
lajaynay 15
At least Proff numbered them for us. I don't think I would have been able to EVER count the amount of stupidity in his comment. Thank you, Proff.
DocBastard 40
lajaynay, I think I love you and your sarcasm. :)
lajaynay 15
Haha. Well, thanks. Always happy to supply it. :)
rebbee 0
Proff, Trollz had that 'joke' down pat. You don't. Leave it for the best! :-) I miss Trollz. :-(
MarkSeattle 0
ydi for not knowing how to load a dishwasher...
lajaynay 15
Yes, 40, because "emptying" and "loading" are the same things these days.
allenrotstein 0
he meant "try to load the washer with blades pointing down"...
530boy 0
Ydi for not putting a band-aid on .
ngyh 0
agree with #24
MarkSeattle 0
yes 47. 46 is apparently too mentally challenged to understand inferences.
azhein 0
I agree with 40. my brother always loads it with the blades up and it is annoying
MissErikaHart 0
yea, she thinks shes so smart but she's retarded, everyone else knew what u meant :)
KingDingALing 9
Get some blood on her shirt and say "Whoops! There's some blood on your shirt also!"
epicenur 2
yell at her for getting blood on a clean tampon
lailax3 0
I can't believe ppl are still doing the reply to the 1st comment thing.
SwiftCashew 0
YDI for being a clumsy little boy.
chaldochamp3 6
I think that this would tickle, not hurt
lajaynay 15
Yes, 61, because you're obviously the smart one. Who ever said OP even loaded the dishwasher? It's highly possible that OP didn't and never saw the knife.
Godless26 1
you dont load it with blades down, then it doesnt get clean...who needs to learn how to load a dishwasher?
sapphirestar 0
ouch! >.<
_HeadShot_ 0
ouch >!<;;
docfan 0
what a meanie, tell her off
Kurg 0
your moms a jerk dude. I agree, tell her off. (and stress it alot, like "maybe it hit a major artery ooooh owwwwww it hurts!!" then collapse)
sarah48_fml 0
duh.. clean dishes is way more important.. everyone knows that
ApATh3TiK 0
now we know, mmhmm lol
nikki9tails 3
you sound like her mother fail
eoko 12
So is proper grammar.
jess183xp 1
that sucks shit dude, you should have a go at her
JamieB33 0
how hard would it had been to rewash a few dishes? and ouch!...
spidersilkx9 0
ahah that's somethin my mom would do.
Mauskau 36
always put knives in blade down
MarkSeattle 0
yeah duh. that's why I gave her a ydi... some families must have no common sense.
RedPillSucks 33
ikr It's like a retard test. Hey Rocky, which me unload the dishes.... Nothing up my sleeves.... Presto!!! Arrruuuuggghhhh!!! Blood is every where!
MrsDruidess 23
thank you!! I told my in-laws the same thing when I was unloading theirs, they said "it could damage the basket" . . . hummm possible minor nicks and cuts to a plastic basket, or cuts and stab wounds to humans. . . that's a hard one (sarcasm)
giantsfan2010 23
ooooooooo that's nasty.
aknnja 0
giggity
rockr_chick 5
friggin sweet
amerwin 3
I bet you were thinking "just the tip.. just once to see how it feels."
hairdreser0nfire 0
lmao! oh wedding crashers how I love u! best movie ever!