Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML
Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML
Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, like most days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice, but this time he brought this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family "brave" enough to go fetch our cat's gifts. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
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Top comments
americanLegion1 2
That sounds so horrific but for some reason I can't help but to giggle.
Psych101 9
I really doubt the "I like turtles" kid would have said that after watching this.
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Comments (197)
americanLegion1 2
That sounds so horrific but for some reason I can't help but to giggle.
theHIGHroad2 5
R.I.P Mickey *palms together ready to pray*
HowAreYouToday 34
It's funny 'cuz it's true
heygirlie777 21
I can't help but think: HUNGER GAMES!!
mzrobinson 13
Hunger games is at least the same species against each other so your comment is irrelevant. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
TBelle4Ever 15
39- A way to make hunger games relevant is to say the turtles are the mutts and the mice are the tributes
Rinat_fml 26
39 - stfu
FeroniaMoonscyth 2
39- fully agree
docarwell 6
The mice were already dead. They were frozen and thawed out. I don't see how this was like hunger games
Vasin_fml 15
Comment deleted :/
heygirlie777 21
150- yes! That's exactly what I was thinking haha.
labiscuit 15
I can't believe there is still someone out there making weakest link references...
steelx3 4
39, your nose and chin are incredibly pointy.
Psych101 9
I really doubt the "I like turtles" kid would have said that after watching this.
pinky94 5
I can imagine him about to say it until he sees that happen lol
jizzwold 21
I can imagine him watching the horror unfold with his soulless, dead eyes and then slowly turning to you to mutter those immortal words, "I like turtles."
154rct 7
MINE TURTLE
cutenessizme 4
Are turtles even carnivorous?
_lady_rainicorn_ 2
I used to have turtles, and the pet shop worker told me to feed them live goldfish :'(
cutenessizme 4
Aww, poor little goldfish :(
Grimmerie 31
A lot of amphibious turtles, or terrapins, eat almost nothing but meat as young turtles and develop a more vegetative diet as they get older. So, in other words, they are omnivores.
ravemasterroxas 9
I used to have goldfish, but they got devoured by my new baby turtle.
getyourgeekon 8
Evidently, they are.
lukemack 4
70 love your photo big fan of kingdom hearts
honestjane 22
Not only turtles, but some species of tortoises are, too. I have a box tortoise ( I live in south Louisiana) and he is strictly carnivorous. He refuses all leafy greens and veggies. He does love meal worms and other insects, though. If you let him, he'll eat an entire container of meal worms. I usually put them on a paper plate so he can see them better and he noms them down. If one tries to crawl away he'll kick it back into play and eat it.
Darkmagic666 9
They are omnivorous. I have a turtle and when he was a baby I had to feed him guppies then switch to more vegetables and turtle food. So he eats vegetables now.
FlamingTacos 7
They are the alpha turtles that will soon take over the world.
dansythomas 6
Poor kids...
bettyc4 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Daphuq did I just read?!
Trisha_aus 15
Daphuq is Daphuq?
DocBastard 40
Can we PLEASE let "dafuq" and all its illegitimate siblings die? It wasn't really ever funny, and it's gotten downright stupid.
lostinlabels 8
Say yolo again motherfu**er! I dare you! (Sam Jackson voice) This is how I imagine Doc when he's reading comments like this.
MichellinMan 20
I think it was about someone working at a pet store. She had to feed the snakes, but she realized that she thawed too many mice. So, she gave that mouse to the turtles. Unfortunately, children were watching. the turtles were playing tug-of-war with it, resulting in it being torn in half. I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
trixy81 10
An FML.
bettyc4 26
Phuq yolo it's yoyo mother phuqer
ambamm135 7
43, you don't say?
mikeofthunder 13
31 - so are you saying "dafuq" and all other words not published in any official dictionary aren't worth existing in the English Language? You seriously wanna go through the controversy and the trouble to bin all of these words used by millions of language users? Good luck.
MichellinMan 20
^ you're probably the only one who has back talked the doc and gotten thumbs up. You sir, are a tank.
DocBastard 40
Mikeofthunder - Did I say that? Did I say ANYTHING like that, or are you just putting stupid words in my mouth? What I said (rather clearly, I thought) is that the stupid FML comments like "dafuq" and "shitty situation" need to die. I wasn't referring to other jargon or slang. Get it now? Was that clear enough?
HiddenValley 5
109 - You make it sound as if disagreeing with DocBastard is a felony.
Bloobloke 12
135 - It is, or at least it should be.
xxdark 3
It really is. A FML crime to contest Doc.
bignardz101 14
Smart ass lol
Warden1986 16
This is what happens when Splinter, says no to pizza, to the ninja turtles.
Enslaved 38
Splinter turned into Shredder?
Warden1986 16
Sadly yes.
cali4eva 12
This is one of the best comments I've seen in a while
Ahlingling 2
LOL exactly! That was the first thing I thought of when reading this comment...ninja turtles these days xD
graffitied_love 20
Waste a thawed mouse or feed it to the turtles? Not everyone gets to go to work and ask this
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
It's the circle of lifeeee....
MichellinMan 20
No its not.
MichellinMan 20
**** me it is.
mustangkid_2 2
The lion king... I like it lol
Trisha_aus 15
Always thinking about the kids, well done Noor.