Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a man next to me started laughing very loudly, scaring me and jolting me out from my nap. I was so scared, I reflexively punched the girl in front of me in the face. I was pinned down by three other men while the cops were called. FML
Today, while sitting on the bus the man sitting slightly above and behind me leaned over my seat. All I heard was someone deeply inhaling in to my hair. I turned around and slapped him. Everyone saw what he did, but no one defended me while I was being thrown off the bus for assault. FML
Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML
Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML
Today, I got on the bus. Before I could make it to a free seat, the driver hit the gas, and the sudden movement caused me to stumble and accidentally grab onto another passenger for support. She didn't appreciate this, accused me of molesting her, and got me thrown back off. FML
Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML
Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML
Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Psych101 9
Even if she did think it was pepper spray, why would she scream? It's not like a knife or a gun, you can't hijack a bus with it...
porp1 4
Later, that lady caused a bomb panic when someone took out a pack of gum, then when a man was eating a banana, she apparently stopped him from shooting himself, and finally, she knocked a knife out of a child eating a popsicle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (74)
jburd45 1
what a dumb **** old lady
theHIGHroad2 5
I guess it was one of those days you wish you'd have stayed home.
porp1 4
Later, that lady caused a bomb panic when someone took out a pack of gum, then when a man was eating a banana, she apparently stopped him from shooting himself, and finally, she knocked a knife out of a child eating a popsicle.
Redoxx_fml 22
Yeah, was she on the plane with Harold and Kumar?
loloalltheway 23
The level of stupidity of this lady ... Is too damn high!!!
freshberries22 17
People are paranoid over everything my college campus went into lockdown because someone said they saw a student with a gun when it was actually an open umbrella; so when there's stupidity there's.....
the_true_batman 10
There was a threat at my university about a guy walking around with a gun. It was the seat from his bike (bike seats are often stolen, or sometimes the lock is cut and the entire bicycle is stolen, but people don't steal bikes that are seatless).
MDTeddy 13
The man must have been dumb as well for believing an old person. When you deal with an old person, please confirm it before taking action.
ScaughtieHolden 11
"No this is a bong." "BOMB!"
idntwannaknow 3
who the hell still uses breath spray?!?
Cheverez 8
People who still ride buses
motoxracer156 5
Didn't she realize op was putting it in his mouth
FlamingTacos 7
I always love eating pepper spray.
musicluvr2000 11
Why do am I not surprised? Oh, yeah, it might have something to do with your picture.
MichellinMan 20
^ *grammar Nazis rush in punching you in the face*
magicbananas3 6
I thought there comment was funny... *Hides under rock*
magicbananas3 6
Crap! I meant their.. Sorry :(
Llama_Face89 34
Why is this being thumbed down? It was plainly sarcasm.
dylanmellark101 5
Ummmm u should get some help
serena_10 11
I thought this was funny, I don't know why everyone's making a big deal out of it lol
laden_swallow09 35
I voted it down simply because I didn't think it was funny. o_O
Psych101 9
Even if she did think it was pepper spray, why would she scream? It's not like a knife or a gun, you can't hijack a bus with it...
hannah_lynn 12
She probably thought OP was going to spray her...
Psych101 9
I guess it didn't make sense to me, because if he was going to spray to her, then everyone on the bus would have seen and defended her. But I guess it would be hard for her to be logical in the moment. Thanks for explaining.
airforce987 20
Bro, if the TSA think you can hijack a plane with nail clippers, I think I can hijack a bug with pepper spray...
Psych101 9
28- I would pay to see you hijack a bug. But I know you mean bus. I just think it would be hard for OP to hold up the pepper spray and be all "Stay back! I'll shoot!"
purplemnm 9
Man, I'd like to see someone hijack an airplane with nothing but toenail clippers.
XxEP1CFAC3xX 4
40- it would actually be really easy
0ops_i_died 8
It sounds silly but pepper spray does hurt pretty bad...
humorizer 14
17: Many older people aren't logical. They assume people are always out to get them... except for the ones that are there to help them (as in the kind folks who request thousands of dollars to help 'feed their starving children' and other scammers).
dansythomas 6
Sounds like you have had a great day...
NeDaroft 5
Didn't even have to use the AK
kamikrazy 6
At least the man who punched you helped the old lady. See, there is still faith in humanity.
downtime 13
Faith that if someone gives an indication of fear then the person closest to them will be attacked without hesitation? Great...
bomzo 22
ice, cube.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Mmm...pepper spray is just so flavorful! It leaves your breath nice and spicy. But I don't understand why a scream from an old lady would make a guy punch OP in the jaw.
morganrules123 10
The guy probably thought OP was hurting the old lady
ChrisTheCalm 9
So his first thought was using violent force? Why not ******* communicate first, that's why we have mouths.
DollyDope 17
Thinking and communicating before punching people, hahaha. hilarious!
esines 9
Yeah but if I thought a guy was hurting an old lady I wouldn't stop to ask him about it, I would actually try to help her. But the guy should have been able to see he was just usin breath spray...
morganrules123 10
I wasn't excusing it, I was just saying his reason.
0ops_i_died 8
32- Oohhh I thought mouths were for punching....
oj101 33
This is why the US need better gun laws..
Trisha_aus 15
Yeah...this IS exactly why..
DarkHelmet 10
Punch that asshole back and spray that breath spray in her mouth
graffitied_love 20
Minty flavored pepper spray: Rids perverts and their bad breathe!
jenniiienyc 5
Talk about an overreaction. Sheesh.
TheGuat15 0
Bro. That just sucks.
CheeseTron 15
Ya bro. Doesn't it bro?