Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
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Top comments
Halcyon3210 6
He's not a part of your system!
kbt13 0
I like how you cheated on him without you guys actually being together.
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Comments (155)
becarefu1 1
hit the dislike button or else i'll hit you
ChucktheNorris 0
I clicked like. You will not attack Chuck Norris in any way. This includes: hitting, kicking, slapping, biting, ******** on, poking, or raping. I will effin roundhouse kick you to Pluto. The lonely planet that was.
becarefu1 1
hey chuck, i'll be ******** on you for not hitting dislike, you piece of shit. and nfs004, watch out im gonna rape you tonight
sparxva 12
You failed to speak his language. You sh
sparxva 12
You failed to speak his language. You should have cradled the phone gently in you hand and called it "my precious"...
kaylapple 1
thats messed up.
asianpersuasian2 9
id appreciate it if you would not talk about my dad on FML. thanks!
jren207 24
The phone was evil anyway, right? ...RIGHT?!
Drigr 9
looks more like 31 and 31 are
SadinSherman 16
How is this any better
KiddNYC1O 22
Same difference.
FookMyLife2496 0
omg your poor phone !