Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
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Top comments
Halcyon3210 6
He's not a part of your system!
kbt13 0
I like how you cheated on him without you guys actually being together.
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Comments (155)
lolasains 7
Find him a few days later take his phone and call him a two time cheater and become even!
corruptblackkat 17
thats when you snatch his head throw it on the ground and tell him not to touch anyone again
Glitterhinoceros 14
You will regret that no one day, when be becomes the next Bill Gates.
nwatso96 0
^ur rly pretty by the way
TheFunSideOfTheB 2
But if she went out with him what if that makes a difference in the future he will think i got the girl i might not need to be the next bill gates
TheFunSideOfTheB 2
Ur hot by the way
saIty 17
That's why you should try to avoid wearing two watches in the future. Makes you seem like a two timing *****.
LogoFoSho 5
Makeup Sex!???!! >:o
ChucktheNorris 0
I woulda chased after him, bitch slapped him, then chucked (CHUCK lmao) the broken phone at his head (oh yeah, I'm an attention *****)
ChucktheNorris 0
WTF THIS WAS HACKED I NEVER SAID IM AN ATTENTION *****;-/
ChucktheNorris 0
WHAT THE HELLLLL WHO EVER IS HACKING THIS GET THE FO OFFFFF
smellymellyy 7
No..
fvckyoursadlife 0
I think even if you said yes you'd still be a two timing *****.
CommonSenseKarma 17
Now see, this is why I carry a knife. Guns are too dangerous because they can kill people, tho.
FarSide 23
Not if you shoot them in the pinky toe.
CommonSenseKarma 17
Yeah, um, "can", not "will", but thanks for trying ^_^
Ins0mau 20
Pardon me to be stating the obvious, but knives can actually kill people quite easily as well...
KiddNYC1O 22
So can knives, buddy. So much for common sense.
Iamaninchworm 0
Tbh its would be easier to shoot a person in an appendage than to chase after somebody and then stabbing a non vital region with said knife. And less likely to kill somebody if shot in the chest rather than stabbed due to less surface area.
seeunexttuesdays 6
thank you doctor
HomeAl0ne 20
No people kill people with guns. Knives are used to cut off the trophy parts.
360XBOXFTW 0
guns don't kill people. i kill people... with guns
360XBOXFTW 0
guns don't kill people. i kill people... with guns
360XBOXFTW 0
stupid double posts...
corbendo 3
I really hope your joking 26...
Emotions_fml 1
why not kick him in the balls?
kbt13 0
cause he lost em when he sliced his ballsack with a rasor
nikkilorenz7 5
heh heh heh. people these days.