Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML
Today, my dad told me quite bluntly that, while he loved me, he never planned to have me. My mom baby-trapped him by sabotaging their birth control methods, and my existence ruined his life irrevocably and caused the functional alcoholism he has suffered with for 40 years. FML
Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
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Top comments
gideeupp 9
That furniture saved your life. Haha
RabidBunny 10
From this day forward, you will buy all of your furniture from IKEA in gratitude that you live to fight another day! Secondly, don't feel bad. Trust me when I say, if my parents had the chance to give me back they would, but thats not important. What is important, is that you can make something of yourself and make your father regret ever thinking about paying for that abortion.
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Comments (151)
marinaim 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Could've tried a coat hook ;)
BagleHead 6
Your dad doesn't have extra cash saved away for an emergency? What a terrible father.
SomeFMLPerson 0
You should be grateful...
UnicornHunter 12
Your Dad is awesome, OP. I love IKEA.
AaronTkr 0
lolOP has a furniture sensible father.
smellymellyy 7
what a twat of a father, being told that by my dad would really hurt me :(
CattyPurry 0
imagine if the La Z Boi couch that your parents bought from IKEA is where they conceived you xD
Andrew1122 0
and he cares so little about you that you never went to school and that's why you believe when the power goes out so do cars. FYL
SayPeanuts 29
Or he could've done the Falcon Punch.
margie2194 12
I think you should now spend all your life promoting ikea.
dolphincheddar 10
So did you come in a bunch of peices and have to be assembled like everything at IKEA? Personally I'm too ******* lazy to assemble it myself
goshpeople 4
#9, he could have extra cash saved up for an emergency *now*, but at the time he found out of the pregnancy, he may not even have been a father yet. Besides, not having an emergency stash doesn't make you a terrible father, just a slightly irresponsible person. Or poor.
Laners561769 9
Terrible polyester furniture > You he should of tried layaway......
marmlr339 14
#1 - that's pretty inconsiderate... Btw I read your profile and you sound like a vain teenager who knows all
davemhbass 1
#62 i think you totally missed the point of that comment
msdoesntbelong 6
Kick him in the nuts then he won't have children and then he won't need money for an abortion :)
fthislyfe 22
this is a proof that life is so stupid. it depends on a piece of furniture
Anai08 17
There have been 17 replies to number 1's comment and not one of them are about how horrible that comment was. A fishhook? Seriously? Don't even joke about such a thing. Abortion is a serious, emotionally heavy issue and many women die of botched abortions every year. Not funny.
smashgrab 0
"IKEA saved my life" - OP
marinaim 17
#173 it was coat hook, not fish hook. And it's FML, a jokey site, not a serious site. Serious issues shouldn't be on here for that reason. Lighten up guysssssss, I see bad humour aren't your strong points. If you can't joke about things on a jokey site, where can you joke about them? This world would be a pretty dull place if everything was taken seriously.
Jorcar 8
I agree, this is a "jokey" site and we all need to be in a "jokey" mood once in a while. But abortion is a serious issue which should never be joked about in that manner. It kills lives, which those who decide to kill the life don't even have the right to do so. This whole FML just shows me that much more about how America is growing into a detestable country.
Jorcar 8
This is a "jokey" site, true.
mouxouxou 11
Something tells me that your (future) daughter is going to have serious daddy issues.
marinaim 17
I am a vain teenager, although I'm not quite sure how you geussed vanity from my profile.. vanity tends to apply to appearance, which to be fair is true, but I don't have many photos on here. Maybe you mean arrogant? Which would be right.. On my good days. Better to be arrogant and vain, than shy, withdrawn and trampled on.. Anyway, I don't know all.. obviously. But glad you took your time to read my profile and hate on me. Much appreciated. The original comment was intended as a bad-humored type, this being a humorous site, not a serious debate site.
marmlr339 14
#195 - I wasn't "hating on you." just pointing something out. And fair enough about the comment. If wad just misinterpreted
ih82bl8 2
No, a terrible father is one who wud abort a baby in the first place
redsfan 4
Upper ****?
gideeupp 9
That furniture saved your life. Haha
mlmike 0
^ Agree
emie_em 16
^^that's a first!
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
Thank IKEA :D
Drigr 9
IKEA - saving babies one idiot father at a time
CoDplayer96 4
you're here aren't you (:
getviolated 5
whoa whoa whoa whoa hold on a second...abortions cost money? **** ME SIDEWAYS now I'll have to push her down the stairs
walkern1891 0
it could have been worse he could have said "oh shit" and returned the furniture lol.
Drummerboy1234 0
FAAAAAALCONNNNNN PUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chuckychan 8
Just behappy that you're poor and have nice furniture.
cupcakemann95 7
Weird, my baby brother almost died from a mantelpiece that almost landed on him. If it weren't for another piece of furniture, then he would be dead today...
ichikibobivopula 0
Gotta love IKEA
DestonB 0
how is this an fml... it means u were very lucky and are alive
thecovert 7
Be thankful for IKEA and move in. Who cares. You're here now. Live.
likasumboooodi 0
she probably works there
ChucktheNorris 0
Saved by the furniture...
iheartsthamanga 7
That's terrible..just look at the bright side he couldn't afford it and you get to live another day..not saying things won't be awkward between you but atleast you're alive ^^
jayellef 3
what an ass.
RandomBanana_324 0
What A Wonderful Father ^_^
FALCON4EVR 2
Not to be mean, but why did your dad want an abortion in the first place? You seem like an awesome person!
NickACD 27
Oh yeah, cause he obviously already new what the fetus was going to be like as an adult
Glitterhinoceros 14
IKEA has everything, I don't blame him
smellymellyy 7
harsh - sarcasm or not.
sxe_beast 11
Who cares if it was harsh? I found it to be a delightfully amusing comment.
ichikibobivopula 0
I've always wanted to spend the night at Ikea. Those 4 swivel wheel carts are so Swedish.
NikeGirl3 0
Your hot!!!:)
Gourmet_Taco 0
when I was 6 I had one of those inflated hedgehog seats from IKEA. I loved it til the day I fell on my face and lost a tooth :l
RabidBunny 10
From this day forward, you will buy all of your furniture from IKEA in gratitude that you live to fight another day! Secondly, don't feel bad. Trust me when I say, if my parents had the chance to give me back they would, but thats not important. What is important, is that you can make something of yourself and make your father regret ever thinking about paying for that abortion.