Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML
Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML
Smooth
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
Mom of the year
Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML
Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML
Making a scene
Today, I was at a coffee shop with my boyfriend when we got into a little argument. I was trying to keep it calm and quiet, but my boyfriend yelled, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME!" The entire coffee shop went silent. Then, an old lady yelled, “Finally, someone said it!” FML
Creeped out
Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML
Anger management classes going well?
Today, I saw the guy I met on Tinder and went out with, only to be told “I’m not ready for a relationship, let’s just be friends” out on a date kissing another girl. I interrupted the date to rip him a new one for lying to me, only to be escorted out by the restaurant manager. FML
Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML
Top comments
DocBastard 40
That asshole needs to switch to decaf. And get his eyes checked. Either that or you're a two-timing *****.
eddeeezzyy 19
Hey! She's a nice lady!
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Comments (137)
GamerGriffin 10
well then ._.
Axipiter 24
Well then what?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Well then stop being a two timing *****, OP! Obviously that's what number one meant.
negb 30
Well then, I hope you're ok OP. I work at a coffee shop and to get coffee poured on me...ouch!
NeighSoulSister 6
Hopefully it was iced coffee and not scalding hot!
Jemm_fml 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
*****
eddeeezzyy 19
Hey! She's a nice lady!
negb 30
^this better get more likes
Pwn17 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your language is offensive!
Gingerette 8
#31- okay, but only because you said to.
Jemm_fml 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
but the strange man called her a *****! So I did too. (certain humor totally falls flat on this community for reasons way beyond me.)
R3TROxLOV3 32
Just saying "*****" isnt at all funny. It's not that certain humor falls flat as much as it is that nothing you said was remotely humorous.
eddeeezzyy 19
Lol thanks 31 and I just realized that my shades in my pic look like Allan's too :P
xzinnayaaaax 10
Asshole.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Are we all saying one lined obscenities? Ok, focus.. SCUTTLEBUTT! That's all I could think of..
curlytop101 23
Jemm- LOVE your profile pic! M*A*S*H all the way! :)
Garrett2 11
#38 what kind of humor is that?
MerrikBarbarian 9
46- you have a storm trooper icon and couldn't think of anything better? Kriff! Shavit! Ee chu ta! Fierfek! You put us Star Wars fans to shame :p Cookies to anyone who understands what all those mean without looking them up. Dark side cookies of course.
threer 30
I thought it was hilarious. It's kind of like irony because the man didn't know and we did, yet he still said it.. I completely agree. Some types of subtle humor isn't appreciated by enough people here.
emmingle 24
In another life...
Blackcatluck 19
I could be your *****...
calilovesneb 12
Someone forgot to take their meds.
snowby2 15
That really sucks OP. I'm sorry. That poor guy though, someone must have hurt him badly to send him crying like that :(
brackaman 18
OP must really needs her meds. She evidently not only forgot two timing the guy, but also thinks she's 14. It's ok OP, the FML community will make sure you receive proper care.
niallo 23
I don't think he forgot his meds. I think he needed to actually drink the coffee and wake his ass up and see its a 14 year old stranger in front of him. Either that or he's crazy and is off his meds.
Unionbay47 10
That escalated quickly ...
PuggieKid 22
Nothing happened so it could escalate quickly... lol
DocBastard 40
That asshole needs to switch to decaf. And get his eyes checked. Either that or you're a two-timing *****.
Zack6849 8
Why not both?
confusedAsFuck 34
Interesting theory.. But what if the coffee had some really powerful hallucinogen that makes men see 14-yo ladies as a "two-timing *****"
missfrenchie 11
#86 Mexican girl says Yayyyy!
griffy14 9
Being 14 and a two timing ***** isn't mutually exclusive. I knew several when I was that age.
ItsAnanya 25
That's a pretty whoreible situation :( Sorry about that OP. People are crazy sometimes.
NeatNit 33
Horrible, horrible puns have now been posted: two-times.
davidislost 11
Aha, I sniff a third!
annie_nk 23
Is anyone else disturbed that a middle aged man mixed up a 14 year old for his cheating girlfriend? 14 year olds don't exactly look legal. I hope he wasn't dating jail bait.
Axipiter 24
Who knows? Maybe we'll see him on Dateline soon...
RedPillSucks 33
Some older women look younger than normal, some teens look older than they are, and some teens think middle age is 25
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Age can be hard to guess by looks sometimes. I had two girls I knew, one looked about twelve and was nineteen. The other was getting asked out to bars, but only being fourteen.
Scynistr 20
I dunno.. Some girls look a lot more mature than their age should let them look.. Specially with how some of them dress now..
srbuckley322 10
I've been mistaken for an adult since I was 10, it's not that uncommon for a 14 year old to look older than they are
skyttlz 32
I'm 19 and everyone says I look 16, one person even said I look 14.
LegolasPrincess 10
Not really, I'm 19 and still get mistaken for being 15 or younger. Although there was that one time I was mistaken for a 21 year old at a ski lodge where I live, they tried to give me a beer. I was 16 at the time.
Enslaved 38
#22 RPS after your comment, I'm now wondering if the OP is called a 25 year old man "middle age"? :P At my job, I'm always getting these old men-- asking me to guess their age. I hate this game! If I guess too high or even know the correct answer, they get insulted so I humour them and lowball but I'm always spot on!
rapunzel3416 28
Secretly this story is about me because according to that volunteer basketball coach I look young enough to be in high school. Wait that might actually make me a two timing *****. Never mind I take it back.
meherm 11
#22 Yes exactly. I'm 19 and people always mistake me for being 14-16ish.
ravenevercross 19
It's also quite possible and more likely that the 14 year old girl looks much older than she actually is. I've seen 13 yr old girls with double Ds after all. Regardless of what you look like OP, FYL. Hopefully it was iced.
sodapop3 5
that was my first thought
fantasyworld 39
I'm 19 and I look like I'm 14.
TheOwnedBagel 9
Maybe you got coffee from somewhere else, and he called you that because you cheated on his coffee!"?
outoftown 27
Disturbing way to find out you're hot stuff.