Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML
Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML
Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML
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Top comments
jkemp1984 10
One word: idiot
plantfood 4
Skin yourself? Hahaha
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Comments (297)
plantfood 4
Skin yourself? Hahaha
AaronTkr 0
pics or it didn't.... what the **** am i thinking i don't want pics of that..
BagleHead 6
Looks like you started early on your sex-change operation
Nosrebor 8
Op needs to learn his limit, obviously... I grimaced just at the thought....
jayalexander 7
I was about to shave when I saw this... now I don't think I can... OP you're retarded.
kendallwendall 0
No masturbating/sex for a while hahaha
santarosakid 5
shit balls!!!!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Ballsy move... I personally try to keep any and all blades away from my genitalia :D
blanquito 1
Hopefully you cut your balls in a way that makes it so you can never reproduce
CattyPurry 0
use a band-aid. band-aid's fix everything. trust me. i'm a doctor (;
NastyNinja31 0
Look on the bright side when u rub cream on the it will feel good
dolphincheddar 10
You should start a neutering business. I'm pretty sure you just killed millions of future children possibilities in your baby makers
margie2194 12
Which wounds the physical or the psychological?
ed11 1
The relationship between a man and his balls is like no other. The wounds may turn to scars, but ur balls will never hate you. He will stay true to you no matter what. Thru ur ups and downs. Take it easy and feel better you stone cold fox.
TheGianaJinx 0
75- Obviously, both. I'm thinking it is more on the psychological side. He's mentally scarred X_X
jayer_hooo 0
rofl at 82
kyarush 10
Whoa Buffalo Bill... Were you playing "goodbye horses"? Lol
DaslovesTrack 2
haha this is hilarious
HomeAl0ne 20
I shrank a few inches when I read this...
juicedboi 7
Dip them in a bowl of dettol, then look at yourself in the mirror and ask why you listened to advice on FML about your "love spuds". Also while I do believe tequila gets the best of a lot of us, you are still a moron.
Laners561769 9
Sir... have you been shaving tonight? :D
trevishere 7
Pic + comment = amazing
SuperPineApple 0
No more one-night-stands for you
andy231245 4
if I had a nickel for everytime that's happened...
TruthBeTold36 3
You would have a nickel.
liquidSELECT 0
Well he has a ****** now times are hard self operations is the way to go
maz255 10
46- reading your profile always brightens up my day, theres a LOT of smiley faces on it!
PrimeStarscream 30
OP is an idiot!
chuckychan 8
Itttts my dick in a box!
Das_Judenburg 0
148 Your forehead is massive.
ilovemyjohnnyboy 0
56: I love ur pic! And I wish I could be a doctor bc eminem said he needs one! Lol
be123 6
Haha I had to find 148 just to look
Jonscarl 0
Sounds like you just originally just wanted to get shit faced and then decided to shave
redsfan 4
So what does a human ******** actually look like outside the sack?
val2010 0
lol
ravensterling 0
Sounds like a good plan
monstaber 6
lol first
CryMoreFMLs 15
Mmm close but just shy of the mark. Better luck next time?
jkemp1984 10
One word: idiot
smellymellyy 7
You.Deserved.It.
eminemchick 19
3 might u be dwight schrute from the office?
flockz 20
"Today, i was on my shelf, just minding my own shit, when a drunk bastard walked by me and bought me. I was so excited that i was finally goin to be used that i sharpened my blades in anticipation. When i got back to this bastard's threshhold, i realized the true purpose of his buying me. He was going to use me as a means of masturbation. You can believe me that i fought back . **** him."
LakersFanatiC 3
69- you made my day
johnson94 5
girls will probably think you are emo and you cut your sack when you're upset... disturbing 0.o
Kayzee01 8
It seems like a good idea to drive a car with your feet too OP, but that doesn't mean you should try it. You deserved it.
Eaglestrike117 29
63, no he isn't. That picture is clearly from at least 10 years ago. Maybe 20.
sydney_herbach 3
Since when does it seem like a good idea to drive a car with your feet?
CCrunner2 0
69: WIN
wannbaussiegurl 4
I agree although I'd go with. "DUMB ****"
daysgoby902 6
=]
everybodyluvsMEN 0
This may sound weird, but what are you supposed to use if not a straight razor?
jorrrdddinnn 1
at least you were numb. :)
SadinSherman 16
Nair?
LukeSkywalker28 0
A razor is your average razor. A straight razor - also known as a cut-throat razor - is pretty much just a blade.
maz255 10
i think 4 was not tryong to be a happy face, but a razor....you win 5 internets if you get it
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Oh ok I get it
chiddy_bang71 0
Omg 266 is an imposter boners! Burn him at the stake!
lajaynay 15
Tequila was a good idea. The whole shaving part... Not so much.
TheFunSideOfTheB 2
U dont say
man_in_black08 28
profile is soo weird lol
kara2996 0
tequila makes you do some stupid shit that's for sure...
proxxX069069 7
Oh yeah te-kill-ya will really mess with you lol
DrumMajor 5
He should have "shaved" himself the trouble and not gotten drunk in the first place!
lajaynay 15
79- I'm not sure what you mean? Please clarify.
getviolated 5
I only shave when I'm ****** up I don't see the issue here
poptart840 5
Or drank responsibly and not decided he was an 18th century barber who could shave his shit with a straight razor. Just because you get shitfaced doesn't turn you into a stupid niggerxD
DCFan 9
Count your blessings.. At least you still have your penis.
unluckiestperson_fml 14
For now...
margie2194 12
Lol is it weird that I imagined that baby in your profile pic saying that? Haha.
KillerSong 11
good point #7 lol
_Oblivion_ 12
I just shuddered thinking of having ur dick cut off
noobienick 19
You don't know that.
LadyTammyA 0
Dude! You should SERIOUSLY give up drinking!
rayrayray23 1
He doesn't, your mother does.
TheFunSideOfTheB 2
No really thank u sherlock
Hockeyboy4280 18
8 is right. If you're doing dumb ass things like that then you should throw in the towel.
CommonSenseKarma 17
Everyone seems to be voting down comments against alcohol. Apparently, everyone's a dumbass. ~Common Sense.
_Oblivion_ 12
if everyone lstened to that comment, the world would be a complete wreck
swasticop 0
110- sir, the world is already a wreck, and I do not see alcohol consumption improving it.
nikkilorenz7 5
funny, i always seem to read burried comments... just to see the stupidity people put these days.
fmlluver1415 6
110 I do not get how that would be o.0
kissiy6 15
drinking is never the problem! :-/
_Oblivion_ 12
as in it would be inside out my point is, more then it already is.
idontcare8l 3
105 - docter zoy berg dog! .... no just me , but hes a pretty awsome dog though ( dunno how to spell so dont bother grammer nazi-ing )
LadyTammyA 0
My comment against drinking was directed at OP specifically...not the drinking public in general...! If an individual is too stupid to know that they have limits they shouldn't cross, they should NOT drink. Clearly this point has escaped the limited mind capabilities of the majority...society at large is so screwed...
dtang 0
Poop
MrBoredGuy 1
Chicks dig scars
markiesharkie 0
I don't
Bruce_Lee 0
LOL
TheGianaJinx 0
Yeah, scars are sexy xP
FookMyLife2496 0
not on balls
cheeser9 0
......No
EvanTn 0
And shrapnel ( if you dont know the quote then dont bother)
Ishinebrightly 8
No we don't..
creedaddict 9
Pour some tequila on it lol
robertd73 24
And don't forget the salt.
free2speak 14
and lime.
free2speak 14
and lime.
free2speak 14
and lime.
free2speak 14
and lime.
chiddy_bang71 0
This is just a reminder, I'm not sure if you forgot. Don't forget to add the lime.
123jade456 0
wow people these days...
rayrayray23 1
Especially ones with stupid profile pictures of birds..
maz255 10
totally and how about the fucktards with profile pictures of dogs?...absolutely ridiculous...