Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
meowcat_1 0
That's not weird at all...
vettle 6
this is the only time when being a girl is better in the anatomy department.
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Comments (166)
dreamering 16
Good thing you didn't blow.
dreamering 16
How the **** this post was duplicated 20 min later?
9252 2
did ya look good?
anakaren_831 1
That must have been some great dream you were having.
adjacent 2
Actually guys get about 10 erections a night in their sleep, so this was just part of his REM sleep, he might have not even been thinking about anything exciting at the time anyway
ShyAnn29 15
that doesn't explain the French kissing though....
yummycupcakegirl 0
Uhhh akward moment....
perdix 31
Probably not half as bad as the beating you're going to get when you get back to Ohio and use the word "bollocking," you Euro-trash wannabe.
Nosmo75 4
Wow. That is a staggering amount of prejudice. O_o
perdix 31
pendatik, I guess since you are British, that's what I gave him, but since I grew up in Ohio, I'd claim I had a "legitimate beef" with his condescending fancy-talk ;)
perdix 31
Yes, so did a lot of people in Ohio. That's why I left ;)
WheresTheBeef 0
You sick pervert
griff8901 7
and having probably paid thousands for this cruise you've now asked for a discount or freebies for the rest of the ride for none of the security guards having the brains / decency / professionalism to just wake you up and put a towel on you. ...... I'm sorry what you did was natural and normal just unfortunate you were in a public place you should of been bollocking them for not handling the situation properly and thinking they had the right to have a go at you
a_nutritionist 10
it wasnt the staff standing around him. im sure they were telling him off for his actions, which probably appeared to be intentional. personally, if i saw that on a surveillance tape id assume it was someone who was awake pulling a stunt, as ive never personally acted out a dream or seen anyone do so. if this was a young person, the normal conclusion to reach is that they were being a twat. perhaps you may have a keen interest in what people do when they sleep, most people dont, and expecting them to is ridiculous. professionalism would involve responding to complaints from guests. they did as they were required. if you wanted them to be professional you wouldnt expect them to disregard a disturbance and complaints.
BigKatt 1
Who sleeps on a cruise? Can u say beautiful girls + Unlimited Drink Card?!?!?
Barney_Rubble_75 0
perhaps after much useage of drink card and after beautiful girls OP needed a nap?
Barney_Rubble_75 0
Security: "DUDE! You're paid to mind the kindergarten children! WTF is with that crazy boner and air-tonguing display next to the toddler's pool?! You're FIRED you pervo-freak!"
Capt_Oblivious 10
Everyone observing your sail at full mast while on deck?