Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
That's a hard situation to be in... sorry OP
random2212 16
Omg that's terrible!
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Comments (77)
random2212 16
Omg that's terrible!
Standupmast3r 18
Yeah, well for me the gf excuse works quite well. (~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
yuno_gasai_fml 34
Your profile says you're 13
ryannmichael 17
That's a hard situation to be in... sorry OP
pats2004 17
You beat me to it I was right there
NotGabe 28
You just gotta cum faster next time, #9.
rlak111 19
#28 Quit being a dick
papygeorges 17
He was just being funny.
lfsabtch 4
You guys should stop being so hard-on each other
QuaDECH 13
@9 "beat"
LosinIt2008 14
pun?? Lol
martin8337 36
I think that you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
PhinIt2WinIt 24
this is starting to get thick.
tormcn 26
These puns are ridiculous, and you totally deserved it.
JKW35 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a boner... I mean bummed
Roxas_hearts 27
Neither of those make sense
weswheatley 14
Next time make sure you don't misspell the joke. There's an edit period for a reason
LilsBills300 19
How joke should have gone: What a boner... I mean bummer. Which isn't really that funny.
Tournesol143 28
Too bad the water wasn't really cold in the pool!
muzy 23
I hope they weren't stiff about the situation!
Ravensmoon666 19
Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
muzy 23
#25 you're right. That was a bit cruel. I get grumpy when I'm hungry.
Ravensmoon666 19
Very cute, editing the comment to make me look like a dick.
QuaDECH 13
@30 It's ok, people can clearly see you are a girl from your profile pic.
laurenswims13 24
That's just bad luck...sorry OP
ThatHorse 15
I wonder how hard that meeting will be...
QuaDECH 13
Hopefully they won't be too hard on him when he cums to the meeting.
Cityboyyo 13
I hope he cums on time
swaglesshipster 23
That's really unfortunate timing
Tristan0914 4
You don't know, maybe it acted like a rutter and made him swim better. That child could have drowned without that boner!
JKW35 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a boner... I mean bummer
sethsmith11 21
Saying it a second time isn't going to get anymore positive attention the first
isabelf 17
Time to look for a new job
Matheo_fml 21
So the water wasn't that cold...