Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML
Today, at the museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML
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Top comments
torbey 23
Has nobody ever touched your boobs before?
Pleonasm 36
You were probably in a tit of laughter by the end of it! I know I probooby shouldn't, but I found this hilarious, OP. I mean, it's better than feeling a little nip, right?
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Comments (61)
oj101 33
That must be em-breast-ing for you
Laurenluvz 11
I honestly don't see how em-breast-ing is close to embarrassing..
adam3650 12
Looks like you made a right boob there son.
oj101 33
Ah who am I kidding? I'm no Pleonasm when it comes to puns. Just let me hide away in embarrassment whilst I clutch onto the last shreds of my dignity. At least you guys understood my pun, whether it was good or not.
SoulAmeliorate 16
23 - don't ya mean, hide away in em-breast-ment?
bluehero 17
I didn't even understand the comment until someone else said it lol
cieloalicia 16
Embare-breasting?
flockz 20
em-nipple-ing. yep that doesn't work at all.
AngelSpit 18
embarr-breast-ed Ha! Got it
groovycrazyjoe 18
I thought he meant impressive lol
LexSwift 17
That's the best you could do? When I read this FML, the word "titillating" came to mind. Haha
buckstop1 37
The key to word play is to always be sure that the altered version has the same amount of syllables as the original word, or else it doesn't sound right You're welcome
torbey 23
Has nobody ever touched your boobs before?
Dracoboxer357 36
24- I'm not sure if I should send you "happy-fondling-thoughts", or count your Don Juan Kitty as an "honourary groper" to make up for it. ;P
xcam1995 6
Of course not, she must be a nun.
vettle 6
Maybe she's a responsible young teen? Does everyone have to have their boobs touched by the time they are 13?
Pleonasm 36
You were probably in a tit of laughter by the end of it! I know I probooby shouldn't, but I found this hilarious, OP. I mean, it's better than feeling a little nip, right?
adam3650 12
Well you've got the make the breast of the situation, haven't you?
AngelSpit 18
Don't be a boob about tit just put on your braveBreast face and grope with the flow it will be over in a nipple while
groovycrazyjoe 18
lol you didn't have to spoil the milk for her ;-)
adam3650 12
I think it's time to these jokes in the bud.
sadistmonkey 19
Naw, you gotta milk it for all it's worth.
AngelSpit 18
Why do you assume I had to try to come up with it?
Sinamoi 18
That's a rather interesting place to be ticklish, but then again I'm a guy so I wouldn't know; my chesticles aren't ticklish.
perdix 31
#4, it really doesn't have anything to do with gender. My nipples are the most ticklish of anyone I know, and everybody else I have tested has been female. Good thing I don't have to go for the exams.
mn_shr 22
My boyfriend is extremely ticklish in his chesticle area. I don't think it's a girl thing.
RedPillSucks 33
Isn't that why they call them chest-tickles? Hello? Is this thing on?
then000bster 16
For some reason my imagination will not let me imagine a Perdix laughing from someone tickling him on his nips.
perdix 31
#43 and #47, you guys' instincts are SPOT ON! You do not want to be there for that! I'm sorry I had to be there for that -- it ain't right.
UberNova 18
At first I saw "Breast exam" and "Jerking"... I thought this was going to be an FML about the doctor havin' a wank behind the curtains.
ozpunker 20
Maybe they should have bought you a drink first?
Wizardo 34
Ticklish areolas... well that's a new one.
zandalee 20
As long as the doctor wasn't instinctively jerking away on his willy...
perdix 31
Was this in the context of a medical procedure or a date?
\ 28
Well there is a medical profession for every fetish, so...
chanellgymnast 17
I suppose this is the very first time someone gave your boobs some attention...
onedayinamsterda 14
Elegant and mysterious indeed