Today, a few days after I let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life and we used melted chocolate, I've now got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life, so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary was closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now every time I pee, it not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom. FML
Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML
Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in two months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML
Today, I got a urinary tract infection. I didn’t realize men could get those. Worse yet, my girlfriend thinks it’s an STI because, “IF I’M NOT FUCKING YOU, SOMEONE MUST BE!” FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
CRC_101 31
YOU decided to try out putting melted chocolate in yourself. I feel bad for him that you would blame him. If you didn't know that would cause a UTI, why the hell would someone who doesn't even have the part know? You're responsible for knowing what's healthy and not healthy for your own body.
mmdavis 8
Food only goes inside your body via your mouth! No matter what the internet tells you!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (6)
ahabsfan 17
Check your owner’s manual. It says not to put melted chocolate on your vajayjay.
mmdavis 8
Food only goes inside your body via your mouth! No matter what the internet tells you!
CRC_101 31
YOU decided to try out putting melted chocolate in yourself. I feel bad for him that you would blame him. If you didn't know that would cause a UTI, why the hell would someone who doesn't even have the part know? You're responsible for knowing what's healthy and not healthy for your own body.
WistayShlaio82 13
Now I get that fondue joke.
lawldude 3
itll go away lol pissing needles doc why aren't they metal doc? HUH HUH HUH? lol.