Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
meowcat_1 0
That's not weird at all...
vettle 6
this is the only time when being a girl is better in the anatomy department.
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Comments (166)
Fuk_Your_Life 2
Imaginary GF
california283 6
hahah I would've love to see this
huntermc7 0
Must have been one heck of a dream.
jane79 0
I agree at least when a girl gets arroused people can't tell it sucks for you guys and your boners, should of just said sorry it's morning wood.
Bano360 25
Some get very wet though. And some can't hide that look on their face.
Soloman212 28
Morning wood comprises of French kissing the air?
Fuk_Your_Life 2
Awkward
MissBoo111 21
lol dude that's hilarious!!!!!!
seekndestroy 3
Alright, I'm stumped. What the hell is a "bollocking"? I know bollocks means "balls" or just something thats generally useless, and I even did a quick search for "bollocking," but I still have no idea what the end of the story means. someone help me out here
xavier1623 4
Maybe the dude got screwed over by the security.
tjsomethin 9
v. Bollocking, when one is lectured, criticised or reprimanded.
seekndestroy 3
nevermind, google has solved the issue. That'll show me to use a pocket dictionary instead of the interwebs.
YacL 15
So I wasn't the only person confused here? That's a relief.
Nosmo75 4
It's British slang for being told off. Usually very loudly and harshly. Akin to an army drill sergeant finding out you slipped out of the camp last night and shagged his wife.
Drigr 9
98 I thought they called that certain death.
homesickabortion 2
yeah, i thought he was saying he had to blow the entire security staff...
krysxkatastrophe 14
I want to see these security tapes.
SayWhatsReal 0
At least you didnt start jerking off cuz that wouldve been worse
tjsomethin 9
And even weirder: the man next to you was doing the same thing.