Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
meowcat_1 0
That's not weird at all...
vettle 6
this is the only time when being a girl is better in the anatomy department.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (166)
Shafreeka 8
80-That would piss me off.
JesterMarcus 0
Your own fault for "tanning". Never understood the obsession with damaging your skin just so you can look "better"."I may have cancer but I'm one sexy mofo!"
homesickabortion 2
tanning is actually healthy in small doses, it "looks better" because you are actually healthier, your body is producing more vitamin D and other things. it becomes unhealthy when you do it every day for a prolonged period so that it is more like repeatedly burning your skin.
skyeyez9 25
I want to hear about OP's dream!
tgifschoolsout 0
hahahahahaha you made my day OP
abasio 1
was this a hardcore religious cruise? wtf are they making you watch security tapes and chewing you out over getting a boner?
niralz16 0
I'm not saying he should be a hermit an stay inside all day! just be smart. unless OP or even you want skin cancer one day and have a chunk if your skin taken out, I suggest you start using common sense
Tanlogue16 0
it's just tanning. geez.
chosha_fml 27
Pity you fell asleep OP, but it's hardly a security matter.
msj1093 0
hahaha that's the worst.
macskapingvin 0
Meanwhile, as the security personnel were busy reprimanding the boy with an accidental boner, a man crept into the bridge and hijacked the ship.
heddurhowza 1
what were you dreaming about... ;)