Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replied, "You farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
meowcat_1 0
That's not weird at all...
vettle 6
this is the only time when being a girl is better in the anatomy department.
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Comments (166)
meowcat_1 0
That's not weird at all...
andy231245 4
sounds made up
Jaimegirl 7
I know right? haha!
EverybodyHatesCh 0
that's normal! everyone does that! what? what?? oh is it just me?
Kokonutz 0
yep, it's just you
TheBeeszNeesz 0
why would a guy be tanning??
uncbballwins 0
why wouldn't a guy be tanning?...
sterlingarcher 1
I was thinking the same thing!
LunaNstars 0
they shouldn't look at him in disgust, they should just sit around and enjoy the show :)
futtbuck101 1
as long as it wasn't a wet dream
rob780202 0
he mighta been dreamin bout u 33
FuniiBunii 0
OP can I have ur autograph?
truededication 0
why are your teeth so ugly?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Why is this thread so random and not related to the FML afterthe 3rd reply? (or so)
ScaughtieHolden 11
60 that's weird. And I lol'd at, "developed a boner" xD
Shafreeka 8
48-Are guys not supposed to be tanning. Would you really prefer the pale pasty type?
Naggerass 1
Fat
FMLISTHEBESTAPPE 0
shut up maybe she's on a diet, maybe works out a lot, maybe after you said that she's gonna go run 6 miles ALL because you said that! how does that make you feel why don't you put a picture let the world find a flaw about you!
deaper 16
Maybe cause he wants a tan? I'm a guy and I don't mind having a nice tan! Also didn't he say he was on a cruise ship? Tanning is definitely something a lot of people do on cruises! And besides all that, why would a girl give a crap whether or not a guy would wanna be tanning?
Rawket_Lawnchair 0
123 - Good example of irony. +1 Internet.
SeaMen 3
123 holy shit calm down...and wtf are u talking about?
varkey 7
Why would anyone be tanning? Oh yes, to increase their chance of skin cancer, of course. What the dickens is a "bollocking"?
jbird1193 3
maybe he fell asleep on a princess
urdirtyolduncle 15
and then he needed a carnival miracle
EverybodyHatesCh 0
and then he turned into a frog
hook_em 0
was this before or after he boned the princess?
wtfmylifedude 8
maybe he fell asleep IN* a princess.
rickolette 0
lol
a_nutritionist 10
ugh, this started off good and was ruined by #74 onwards.
maidofawesome 0
What were you dreaming of?
EverybodyHatesCh 0
Charlie Sheen...
FruitSalad4225 0
Please, no more Charlie Sheen. It's the only way to get him to stop being an attention *****. I'm begging you. Please stop talking about him.
hey_its_kristi 0
if you say his name three times, he appears.
Bandftw44 4
107 that's beetlejuice...
sassypants93 17
86 is in trouble then. . .
GeraldisTheG 3
and we never heard from 86 again
picupbart 0
Im still wondering how many times they wouldve had to re-do Christina agulira's 'candy man' without interuption
yummylicious 5
Fyl
GreenBud_fml 0
oh, so that was you..
superguy101 0
FYL??? No comment or personal experience? Just, THAT!??!? I think I just got trolled. I hate you.
drunkandfml 11
There's a button for that
YacL 15
I hope you're not the kind of person who talks in their sleep.
indistructo 3
I hate it when that happens...
sterlingarcher 1
ahahha oh boy.....
wilsontws 18
OMG your nose!
staceysgenesis16 0
when was the fml ever about her nose? -____-
Skatejock21 0
okay, a) tanning isn't always healthy - and - b) don't fall asleep on a cruise ship when random people are around you, tanning or no tanning. Sorry, but YDI. Think about it.
haileemarie7 6
So...I'm the only person in the world who can't control when they fall asleep?...
Skatejock21 0
Read between the lines. Unless you're Narcoleptic, then a majority of people can control their sleep. Like going to bed earlier.
seekndestroy 3
I don't know man, I can get a good 8 hours of sleep and still fall asleep in class or take a nap when I get home.
Skatejock21 0
The average person only needs 6-8 hours. Ages 12+. If you need to take a nap after 8 hours, you aren't needing more sleep, you need better sleep if you feel the need to fall asleep during the day. There are also other reasons, but aren't really relevant right now.
Jenna_Tell_Yuh 0
55. I feel annoyed just from reading that. :/
ArmyGTO 0
Really...? Your going to get all deep and stuff about the dude taking a nap. Your a fing retard. He was on a cruise ship, taking a nap. Maybe he didn't get a full nights sleep. Or one of a million reasons. I also can't control when I fall asleep. Your the ******* idiot ass.
Blueglasscup 18
Ditto 67.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I don't know anyone who can control their sleep. "okay I'm going to sleep NOW *falls asleep*" wtf?!?
RainbowHeadache 2
No matter how much sleep I had if I lay out in the sun I get sleepy. As long as it isn't scorching hot.
IscoreOnU 19
How does he deserve to get a rbfnr? While sleeping? It coulda been a really good dream you can't help that.
Shafreeka 8
71- Wouldn't that be awesome though?
LairaIsKindaCool 6
tanning is healthy ! even though indoor is healthier doing it outside is just as healthy ... as long as you know your limits. it actually helps prevent major skin cancers and other vital cancers ... smd*
birchknollbabe32 0
Thank you dr science. if only we actually cared
lizamaphone 6
9s right guys lol... only little kids just fall asleep.
ZoeyRawrsYou 0
90-I agree. if I was comfortable in the sun on the cruise it's easy to fall asleep(:
chicago4star 0
why all the negative feedback? this reply is right.
a_nutritionist 10
you may not be able to control when you fall asleep, but you sure as hell can control when you dont. how can you say you are unable to stop yourself from falling asleep when youre tired? thats absolutely ridiculous. if it were true, anyone who pulled an all nighter would not have the ability to stop themselves sleeping after they became tired, which youll find is not how the world works. and i agree, tanning is a waste of time. you should be actively participating in outdoor activities. if you cant do that then spend some time outside to promote vitamin d synthesis and melanin growth and go back inside, sitting in the sun for hours is a waste of time and unhealthy.
vettle 6
this is the only time when being a girl is better in the anatomy department.
ItsAllBeenDone 0
I disagree. men have to use a sock or tissue or something. women are self contained.
flippinsweet17 0
I'd rather have to use a random item to catch that shizz then bleed for three months out of every year, be blessed with the wonderful feeling of childbirth, or be the one freaking out when the condom could have broken. Also, we may be "self contained", but we still have to wipe it up. So either way, you're making a trip to the restroom.
a_nutritionist 10
@77 women arent the ones who should be freaking out the most when the condom breaks, at this point theyre the ones with the choices, men are the ones who get ******.
ladiesman219 4
one thing you gotta ask yourself, was the dream worth it???¿¿¿???¿¿¿
teresa96706 29
what a retard.. you can't control your dreams. maybe you can control what happens, but not what it is.
KickItHigh 32
84, some people can control their dreams. It's called lucid dreaming, look it up.