Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, I realized why my sister has had so many fluids coming out of her, yet I was sick too and nothing was coming out. It's because everything I ate in the past 72 hours was piling up in my ass, and just came out as a monster 5 times bigger than normal, and left my ass on fire for 45 minutes straight. FML
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Top comments
MissRachieee 3
That seems to suck more for your sister.
EvilDoll 7
holy shit ...or the opposite?
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Comments (141)
womblebat 2
that sucks, but bloody hilarious!
faisalpoborsky 1
constipation is a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perdix 31
The devil went down to Georgia He was looking for a soul to steal . . . then he headed over to Alabama to get an asshole.
apcfan009 0
^^^ win!
goodgood_fml 5
I love that song.
Mubus 0
35: usually you have lame remarks but this was on was good!!
DVecc 0
that's ******* hilarious
SophieH14 2
hahahha i'd be proud as punch if my sister yelled that out
turtle4938 0
wait, your Fireshit's BROTHER? didn't your sister say it?
rattusrattus 19
The male sibling is the brother, the female sibling is the sister. The OP is a man, and his female sibling is 'Fireshit'. Unless you're one of these people who thinks that whether you're an aunt or an uncle depends on the sex of the child (hint: it doesn't)
turtle4938 0
oh... right.... just found out my mistake
upintheorange 5
*DEAD*
justbigbs 6
Guilt by family association, LOL. Ahh, the joys of socializing. Merry Christmas
UpsidedownKayak 9
OP, What you need to do is something even more embarrassing so that you will get your very own, maybe cool nick name. Fire shit is an awesome name and will be tough to beat, but good luck with that.
emodude44 0
LMAO XD ONLY IN ALABAMA