Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, I realized why my sister has had so many fluids coming out of her, yet I was sick too and nothing was coming out. It's because everything I ate in the past 72 hours was piling up in my ass, and just came out as a monster 5 times bigger than normal, and left my ass on fire for 45 minutes straight. FML
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Top comments
MissRachieee 3
That seems to suck more for your sister.
EvilDoll 7
holy shit ...or the opposite?
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Comments (141)
Koto 1
Oh, religious people. They crack me up every time.
haille_fml 0
LMFAO.
goaliemkl123 8
at least your nickname isn't fireshit. you're just fireshits brother
Unlucky94_fml 8
Anus is a funnier word than asshole. :)
papatany 0
for some reason I feel this is a fat fake fml
nightDREAMERms 6
I feel that you and a lot of other people have a grand misconception of Christians and religious people in general. That's, unfortunately, likely to NEVER be fixed in my lifetime, so I'll just talk about this specific issue. Here's the facts: Being religious or being Christian does not mean you are now automatically bada-bing-bada-boom perfect. Woo. Now you can go and look down on everyone else around you and assume a holier-than-thou attitude. No, no, no. It means you admit that you are NOT perfect. Have made mistakes. And feel you're somehow off track. That you wish/need a faith, to believe in- to help guide/keep you onto the right path. (I'm generalizing this, because- believe it or not- different churches have different opinions and perspectives on what it means to be Christian.) Some Christians may act all "Goody Two Shoes" and indeed, they might think they are superior. But understand that there are also other Christians who act all "Goody Too Shoes" that are simply trying to behave better to become better people. I myself, curse. It just comes instinctively after hearing it so much at school. But it's not really proper, and is incorrect for polite company. It's not professional. So I try to limit myself but around peers your own age, you just kinda fall back into it again, you know? -shrugs- I'm trying to be better at it, but that doesn't mean I'll ever be perfect. I'm just a person. :/
emmywave 0
hahaha wow that really sucks...
ReginalUT 0
Omg! This is so hilarious i cant stop laughing.
easwhitey 0
This made me lol so hard
o_olexy 0
Okaay(: funniest fml ever! But i hate how stereotypical everyone on here is about Christians being goody two shoes! I'm a Christian and i have full faith in God, i don't behave perfectly nor do my friends. Some of my best friends don't even believe in God! Not all Christians r like that