Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, I realized why my sister has had so many fluids coming out of her, yet I was sick too and nothing was coming out. It's because everything I ate in the past 72 hours was piling up in my ass, and just came out as a monster 5 times bigger than normal, and left my ass on fire for 45 minutes straight. FML
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Top comments
MissRachieee 3
That seems to suck more for your sister.
EvilDoll 7
holy shit ...or the opposite?
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Comments (141)
beatleschick1940 9
somehow I think its worse for your sister
disco2466 8
haha nice nickname
elwooteh 0
Reminds me of that one Scary Movie where the priest (or somebody) is on the toilet, shouting "Release these demons from within!" xD
whattagirl 0
lmfao me too!
KVKdragon 26
if I were you, I'd be praying that they stopped and I'd also be asking them if it is righteous and not sinful to call someone that (or you can ask them how they'd feel if Jesus was watching, which he always is). this doesn't seem righteous to me or fair for you.
valri3 0
Naw I would rather tell them to stop or else.
nexttimeblue 0
If Jesus is paying attention to some kid on the toilet yelling about the devil he should get his priorities straight! 'World hunger...naaah...Global Warming...nahhh...Peace...naaahhh..what the?! some kid is yelling on the toilet! let's get on that shit!!'
blgjohnnyy 0
nobody cares about global warming though... haha
OvenproofToast 0
CLIMATEGATE.....! Global Warming is a lie ,and all of our "deadly carbon emmisions " have only added 1 part per million of carbon dioxide.
lifes_a_b1tch 7
It could be worse...YOU could be fireshit. Roflmmfao!
livetodisco 0
THATS friggin funny!! I like her.
grashopper8 7
ditto!
derek208 0
man i hate butt demons.
rebwonders 0
that is hilarious! someone queue Johnny Cash... I'm going down down down in a burning ring of fire. and it burns burns burns. ring of fire.... or that guys sister! Merry Christmas!
braun11 0
what is with ur dp
maxsandchees 0
i love your sister lol Fyl
Danny_B 4
im crying out of laughter :)