Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, I realized why my sister has had so many fluids coming out of her, yet I was sick too and nothing was coming out. It's because everything I ate in the past 72 hours was piling up in my ass, and just came out as a monster 5 times bigger than normal, and left my ass on fire for 45 minutes straight. FML
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Top comments
MissRachieee 3
That seems to suck more for your sister.
EvilDoll 7
holy shit ...or the opposite?
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Comments (141)
MissRachieee 3
That seems to suck more for your sister.
futuremarine5 4
your hot
juliahockey 0
-_-
oakleyguy 0
put a shirt on #1 =)
gooBUZZ 0
Uhm, she has a shirt on? I'm quite confused by your statement...
QwertyMcNugget 0
He's just commenting on her monster cleavage portruding from her tank top.
RawrTurtlez 0
^ rofl.
waswashere 0
*******!!!
ScaughtieHolden 11
1 seems like a ****. just saying.
Pixelduhst 0
It sucks by association, just not nearly as much. And if his sister had posted an FML on here instead, all of you would YDI it anyway xD
fakeaccountX 6
Merry Christmas, Fireshit's brother!
roeallen 11
I guess you could say she had some really bad burritos. YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!
jayrub 0
that's just awesome. FYL for being an innocent bystander. YDI for going to a shitty church. I thought Christians were supposed to love each other, forgive one another, and ******* be nice to one another. What a bunch of hypocritical idiots. They are the reason why this world is going to hell.
mintcar 10
You do realize that we're not all the same correct? I do agree that SOME could be quite judgmental assholes. I visited a church that wasn't my own 2 weeks ago and I was asked to go to the prayer room after the service. I left 30 minute later crying. They pretty much picked on my appearance and everything else they deemed as appropriate enough to insult. Told me that my make up was excessive and that I should get rid of my piercings and all my " non believer" friends.
LolAtYourFail 12
ydi for going to church, god doesn't exist
ROFLFail 0
Who's to say you don't exist? Before you bash religion at least have something to back it up.
jayrub 0
Technically Christianity is a cult. I hate the way that these "HOLY" people claim to live by "God's Word" but they only live by bits and pieces which are convenient to them. I don't believe in "God" but I do believe that religion does teach good morals to children if you are at the right church.
sebastianduarte1 0
ur hot :)
Alleged_Cranium 7
63- there can't be "something to back it up". you can no more prove that god exists than I can prove that god doesn't exist. That's why it's called FAITH.
stro88 6
noobs.
CitrusGirl 0
Please don't generalize a whole group of people because of some bad ones. There are some bad hypocritical Christians but there are also many good ones. Some churches are bad and unaccepting and some are very open.
rallets 23
better than "the devil is coming INTO my anus!!" amirite?
docscientist 10
It should be called EGO rather than FAITH. Think about that next time you pray for your team to win, or say god is on your side.
renaet 0
There's no proof that God doesn't exist? Maybe a thing called evolution? Maybe the fact that there's evil in the world? A truly just, all powerful, and all knowing God would demolish evil, no?
RedPillSucks 33
The Sun rose in the east again.
Alleged_Cranium 7
84- renaet None of those are proof. They only raise doubt. You are a college student. Ask one of your professors, try the philosophy department. You can neither prove the existence or the lack of a god.
God1_fml 0
At #69- Well, if you validated LolAtYourFail's existence by their comment, then validate mine through this. But seriously, imagine my shock when I found out some asshole wannabe took the username "God." Seriously.
thatgingerkid 0
YDI for going to ******* church, I'm tired of Christians tellinng me I should be Christian. most of them are just ethnocentric assholes.
iLikeBoners 0
Socializing* is spelled incorrectly.
jayrub 0
It is spelt that way in GB. However, it says she's from Alabama, USA. It seems you are correct.
BananaThunder 0
45 - No
OvenproofToast 0
Where is your proof evolution exsists?Also,if there is no evil ,you can't have a comparison, so there wouldn't be good.Also ,we have free will. That's also why there is evil.BTW, did you know that Charles Darwin denounced and renounced evolution ,and that his book was called "On the ORIGIN of Species",not "How Modern Species Change".
mrjmaster1234 0
technically Christianity is the love of God and having a relationship with him
sucksfoyou 0
stop bashing religion just because you don't believe in it doesn't mean that you need to criticize everyone who does. it's really annoying so please stop. thank you
btown1616 0
the world isnt going to shit because of christians... in fact if it wernt for the christian church the world wouldnt be anywhere near the way it is now... the church has been responsible for many scientific breakthoughs that today might not seem significant, but at the time they were miraculous discoveries. so stop being ignorant and blaming christianity for the greediness, cruelty, and avarice, of the human nature
deepunder 17
Completely agree with #1. Anyhow There is alot of god talk. To disclaim God, he lets evil in the world. To promote God, maybe fault lies at the bible writers for making God all powerful and good. Maybe he likes evil.
deepunder 17
God talk should stop here as god is not related to fire or shit. The devil would not have a fiery hell as fire is what promoted human ingenuity, for those that feel: God->Devil->fire
ZeusBeDubsteppin 24
#84 maybe if you did your homework, where God gave people free-will which gives people the ability to do evil. now ive met some terrible christians, and some very nice atheists. nobody should shove their belief down anybodys throat, tell them what you believe supported by what you think is factual. after that have a nice healthy debate or go on your merry way.
NatzSwifey 0
haha
canadian_ftw 8
nice reputation! that will get you places!
EvilDoll 7
holy shit ...or the opposite?
Owl1238 1
This ^^^ just made my day! Thank you!
Chanchilla 0
sweet nick name tho
Battledog5006 0
you have no clue how hard I'm laughing
morgs1 0
your shirts mean ( I'm not fat, I'm really skinny but, you shouldn't judge )
thelastavailable 13
^^ I love how you have to mention that you are "really skinny"
Imaginaryalbot 0
You have no clue how hard I am.
UpsidedownKayak 9
33- You own shirt, shirt owns mean? What? "Your shirt is mean."
Kua_Mei 0
"Your shirt's mean." The apostrophe omits " i" in "shirt is." I'm not saying 33 was entirely correct, but you make it sound like having an apostrophe-S at the end of a word only indicates possession.
BonyorBobby 4
LOL the devil is coming out from her anus? I mean who the hell shouts that out in public? xD
rattusrattus 19
Quite the mental image though...
DmnUall 0
she wasn't in public dumbass. they heard her from the parish bathroom. You should learn to understand what you read
BonyorBobby 4
Isnt it public if other people hear :Z
charllotttee 3
who shouts that EVER
StormGirl142 24
OP's sister, evidently.
kemolegend907 0
ftw everyone who calls you that :D
oakleyguy 0
butt demon :/
Psychotic_Snail 0
this if awesome!! get outta me you demons!