Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone fell silent as my dad began to pray for our meal. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
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Top comments
intensitive 11
That's when you say, "Don't blame me for your rancid gas, bitch!"
DarkPrince_fml 0
I wouldve said this as loud as possible IM TELLING MOM UR PREGNANT
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Comments (101)
Rishy 0
Pretty funny, but FYL
Terwilliger 0
ydi for being called brian. why did you name yourself that
Byrdd 0
no biggie part of life
clink900 0
you should have done a courtesy flush. Everything would have been fine. it wouldn't have been funky
shitbrix 0
eat moar vegetables?
DarkPrince_fml 0
I wouldve said this as loud as possible IM TELLING MOM UR PREGNANT
noobgang7 5
how is this an fml it's ur family how the hell cares
noobgang7 5
who ^. my bad, on iPod
xoconnie 8
EVERYONE POOPS DONT BE EMBARRESSED!
xXSc3n1cXx 0
@ #14: seriously, wtf? who gives a shit what your name is? besides, he didnt choose it, and i doubt you chose yours.
mrteacup 0
23 vegetables give you gas. but writer you should flush
stella23 0
stfu 47, it's still going to smell even if he flushed (which he probably did). you're a dick. go die.
karee10 0
I agree with darkprince! get her back!
ilikepie789 0
theyre FAMILY so nobody cares.
Novogrod 0
Well Brian, what HAVE you been eating?
marc33 0
#14, idiot.... what his name has to do with it...? or person named Brian shouldn't poop..! which name did u choose for urself.... like poopboy..?? LOL
brianred5 0
fyl
brianred5 0
also I'm named Brian..guess I shouldn't poop again...
Tuptup_fml 0
Methinks you just got trolled.
Terwilliger 0
@45
volcom21 0
learn to spell!
xSCALEYMANFISHx 0
that stinks (pun intended) 1st!
gohabs21 0
fail
ladiesman14 0
this happens to me sometimes with french fries, they just wont digest. same thing with corn on the cob and hominy. also with certain cereals.
blairyboo 0
tmi
brii1255 0
your number 2 ..?
lickmyjock 0
It's happened to us all, so freaking what?
krs500 0
exactly - who cares... if you light a match it kills the smell...
brii1255 0
exactly . hes at a FAMILY get together . are they not all family ? plus hus sister has to be an asshole and yell it in front of everybody . not his fault . FYL
quietlytearful 0
22 most sisters are. muahaha. yeah, i'm a girl. with a brother. ;D
tom9686 0
ouch sucks to be singled out in front of everybody , you could of sprayed some toilet spray to freshen up the place .
martic835 2
You should've had a V8.
x805xUnknown 6
Yay! For bodily functions! :D
morganiscool114 0
ew but lmfao
bunnixbrutality 5
your cute :)
aDropOfSunshine 2
Hey, everybody poops. There's a book about it and everything.
krs500 0
i don't poop
mrmystery96 0
ah, but you see, I remove your poop while you sleep. hehehehe... muahahahahaha!
MotherRussia 0
!!!
quietlytearful 0
wait.., what?? :p
ZombieBunnies 0
Poop is such a funny word. Just like Erectile. I wanna see an Erectile set.
krs500 0
evil poop goblin - NOOOOOOO!!!!
skyttlz 32
a funnier word is poo
gabinel1 0
I do your mom when you sleep.
intensitive 11
That's when you say, "Don't blame me for your rancid gas, bitch!"
youdidwhatnow 0
Lol, I would of done something like that. But I would of slapped the bitch afterwards.
hobrahtakeiteasy 0
it's not that bad considering it is your family...
ILoveMyLifeSoMuc 0
i dont get it. lol