Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I got home from work and face-planted into my sofa because I hate my job, suffer from depression, recently lost my wife to cancer, and a host of other BS. As I face-planted it turned out that my sister invited herself over and had fell asleep, curled up under a blanket. Our heads collided at 30 mph. FML
Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
baconftw 9
How did you not see her?
alexh15 13
Some guys actually enjoy sleeping on the couch. It's kinda like camping.....
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Comments (146)
mrz1177 11
Well, you tried..... Back to the drawing board
IndigoAcrylic 9
Welll on the bright side....sleeping on the couch will give you more time with Left Hand Sam or Right Hand Jack ;D
Jovecove 13
Rosie Palm and her five sisters ;)
marpay 11
I prefer Palmala Handerson and Handjalina Jolie.
IndigoAcrylic 9
Well, hey, we all have different preferences I guess! ;D
GrahamAker 3
I never sleep on the couch ever. No matter what.
RadPenny 6
...cool.
kingbling11 12
Story
rainbo955 0
Bro.
meidel 5
Tell
IndigoAcrylic 9
It
explodingmuffint 0
Again.
screamo_neve 12
Happens!
geon_olam 17
Now,
truthurt47 0
Make me a sandwich!
queenb1621 21
what?
thericcanator 4
I love how his name is gdhatesme well, it might be true
dasteve 0
I guess it's a bad time to say "I'll have what she's having"
RadPenny 6
I wouldn't let her drive for a while. :/
screamo_neve 12
She wasn't the one driving...
thatKidzmOm 10
But she might try for revenge...
wwwowww 4
Wait, does that mean no SEX?!
stickytack 7
Wow
triipea 0
They're married. No sex anyway.
uKNOuLOVEit 0
She prob deserved it esp if you going to be sleeping on the couch.. hope you dident dent your car
stevenmx86 8
Wtf? You accidentally bump her with the car somehow and she's able to make you sleep on the couch? If my partner was that pathetic I'd make them sleep on the couch too...
rubberduckie94 13
i agree 24 what kind of a bitch would do that over an accident
boredblonde 17
Is she invisible?
maninthebox11 8
It could have been like the beginning to the Simpsons.. Where he gets whacked by the car and flies through the door.. you never know.. Sometimes the fat people are still hard to miss !