Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I got home from work and face-planted into my sofa because I hate my job, suffer from depression, recently lost my wife to cancer, and a host of other BS. As I face-planted it turned out that my sister invited herself over and had fell asleep, curled up under a blanket. Our heads collided at 30 mph. FML
Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
baconftw 9
How did you not see her?
alexh15 13
Some guys actually enjoy sleeping on the couch. It's kinda like camping.....
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Comments (146)
xXRiah_GirlXx 9
Was she standing IN the drive way??? O.o
lostfaithinpppl 19
So, you hit your wife with a car and instead of worrying about how she's doing after that you are worried about having to sleep on the couch? From the way you wrote this FML it doesn't sound like you think you did anything wrong. That's disturbing.
woiz 11
so which part u call FML? That u "slightly bumped" her or u sleeping on the couch? any way I ll say good luck next time (fyl ) for first one and u deserve it for 2nd one
bubo_fml 11
U shouldn't be 'pulling' while attempting to park your car in the driveway...
cosmosis 12
Yep. Definately sleeping on the driveway. Not walking to the house or anything. She was definately asleep. No doubt avout it. Now that your mind has been eased of thinking. Feel free to play in heavy teaffic on the motorway.
Conley78643 0
should have just run her over. Then you could have the whole bed all to yourself!
graham11 14
4- jumping to conclusions much? No one said OP's wife was sleeping on the driveway.
Yourheadache 19
Dont lie we all know it wasnt an accident....
CrankDatAsss 4
Hehehe atleast your still living in the house :P
STARFLESH 0
Today, my husband bumped into me with his car. FML Nah, really! F his wife's life!