Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I got home from work and face-planted into my sofa because I hate my job, suffer from depression, recently lost my wife to cancer, and a host of other BS. As I face-planted it turned out that my sister invited herself over and had fell asleep, curled up under a blanket. Our heads collided at 30 mph. FML
Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML
Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
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Top comments
baconftw 9
How did you not see her?
alexh15 13
Some guys actually enjoy sleeping on the couch. It's kinda like camping.....
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Comments (146)
Naitsi 19
how did you not see her?
JoeLouisBomber 9
Are you going to take that OP your gonna let your wife walk all over you like that?
Awsemogreeb 19
You seem unfamiliar with marriage.
kalikay_fml 2
your an idiot.
geon_olam 17
Idiot's*
konstantinos616 17
Well YDI for nearly running over your wife.
konstantinos616 17
*facepalm*
bubo_fml 11
God may hate you, but not as much as the insurance company for having to pay you a lot of $ for your lil' 'accident!'
silent_bride 5
...the misogyny on this site terrifies me some days.
zaleh 23
Thanks god I'm not the only one who has to sleep on the couch from time to time :)
jessica232011 0
you so had to do it on purpose maybe because you needed a reason to sleep on the couch. just try to stay out if her way when she's driving.
keepingitnasty 15
I guess I'm the only one who would go out drinking and pass out in the gutter than sleep on a couch? (pfft sleep on the couch, that shit only happens in movies.)