Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
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Top comments
barrelroll1472 0
Dracula?
nicknesser 0
I knew Twilight was a problem, just didn't know it was this serious. We're all screwed.
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Comments (159)
nerdsgetmehot 23
Maybe you should keep her in her kennel when your friends are over.
misfitSuperStar 0
Hahahahaha!!!! Kennel...hilarious!!!
boopityboppity 11
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind." - Terry Pratchett Which means you, 54, probably posted that from inside an asylum. Are the walls really padded in there?
Spastastic 6
That's from Maskerade, right? I loved all the stuff about exclamation points in that book, because I tend to get annoyed by them.
GreenDayRoxs 0
lolwut FYL
I_have_no_clue 0
Another tale from the trailer park.
Mimorie17 12
lol im confuzzled. why did she bit u lol.?
oldenuff2party 3
sell the pills to ur freinds
fuck_you_too 0
an excellent idea... your friends now know how good the shit is. Sell some pills to 'em, bump some yourself, and go vandalize some shit for christ's sake.
rottentomatoes 7
rawrr :)
TheAwesomeMarchi 0
**** off ****!
pieintheface 0
t Rex mom
nickafuu 0
is your mom hott?
Pary_Poo 0
Hahaha. Oh my. That's different.
ChinnuWoW 0
now is your chance to have sex with her