Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML
Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML
Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML
Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
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Top comments
Fortuitous 0
Did he make you deepthroat something else since you lost?
perdix 31
Was the argument that you could deepthroat him if you really tried?
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Comments (183)
SamSayzRAWRZ 0
lmfao "causing me to deepthroat my burrito" XD nice wording.
biggecko 4
Finally a girl that can fit my dick in her mouth
perdix 31
How did you Grammar Nazis miss that she wrote "breaks" instead of "brakes?" Quit polishing your jackboots so much and get out there and crush those who are contaminating our pure language, you loosers!
Draminicaus 0
lmao....I saw it, but I figured 120 other people beat me to the punch. lol
babelini 12
you mean losers?
Zebidee 9
Already taken care of for you, perdix, in #79, 82 & 93. *dusts hands off* Actions speak louder than (badly spelled) words. ;D
perdix 31
Of course, babelini, I did that on purpose. The loser/looser error is my favorite one on the Internet, since the one hurling it is trying to prove his or her superiority to the target, but only showing his or her own stupidity. Also, it is not caught by a spell-checker, since looser is a word meaning "less tight." I intentionally hurled the "looser" epithet out to the Grammar Nazi minions hoping they'd finally get out of their jackboot-polishing, brown-shirt-ironing, "Eats-Shoots-And-Leaves"-reading, thesaurus-consulting stupor and protect our pure and holy language from those who would pollute it with their adulterating errors.
Fakeddd 0
My jackboots are shined, and I'm troll ready. I sense no grammatical error here.
serendipity1027 0
I wasn't being a bitch at all, he was driving MY CAR so i can talk to him if I want and my boyfriend and I just get agressive. We actually stopped right after it happened and started laughing at the whole situation. It's really offensive when people are calling me names when people don't even know the real OP. Oh my goodness.
celtics734 2
nah, you a bitch
iIixoxiIi 0
and when he's driving YOUR CAR, do u have that right to be an annoying bitch? i dont think so :| he still driving a car :s
aliadnan708 6
lol
fml3010 0
**** you bitch!
Draminicaus 0
Yeah, don't let it get to you. You could post "My baby spontaneously combusted after I got struck by lightning on the day of my mother's funeral. FML" and you'd still find 100 YDI. ....and if I see another Bob stockman, so help me! >_<
Draminicaus 0
stickman**
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Had you read the comments on previous FMLs before submitting this? People always call names and act like fuckwits. Don't get offended or take it personally; it's not worth it.
WallyTheWombat 0
lol @ the word *******. Did your BF laugh after you threw up? I know it sounds mean but the mental picture of that made me lol pretty hard.
baddoggy18 0
all I should say is did u like taking it all inside your mouth
xCONNORxx 0
damn right he won the argument
cidrog 0
psycho witch
HeaRTs_Girl 0
If you threw up, obviously you haven't suppressed your gag reflex. Therefore, you're not giving him the mind blowing head he so desperately craves. That's truly why you were arguing, you can't deny it. Okay, I'm done being immature. Seriously, though, he sounds like an ass. Have fun with that shit.
hashoahxxx 0
maybe If you did that to him and not the burrito you wouldn't be fighting
HeaRTs_Girl 0
#40/OP (I'm assuming): sorry, I commented before I read all the rest. :-P Glad you two had a laugh over it, I guess. :-)
fml3010 0
YDI for not deep throating his dick. hahaha