Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend slowly and deliberately eating chicken wings while sitting in front of the cage while making eye contact with my beloved bird. When she saw me staring at her in horror, she let out the creepiest, most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. What the actual fuck?! FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
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Top comments
iheartbewbies 0
Drink a redbull. I heard it gives you wings. Then maybe she'll suck the meat out of you. Sigh... I tried.
perdix 31
Slightly turned on? I'm exceptionally turned on by the image of your wife sucking meat off bones. Of course, she was doing something similar to me last night, so the symbolism is more obvious to me. Sorry, bro.
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Comments (146)
storyofthemonth 0
See a doctor.
newzealand 28
Or be a man about it and offer the woman some dessert.
Tennispro349 2
1 Maybe YOU should see a doctor.
chrishaparker 0
op should tell his wife how he feeels .
Skittlepickle 13
"Hey, love...I saw you eating chicken, and it made me want to have sex with you."
belkinbra 12
You can always ask her if she wants some 'ranch dressing' with that.
AnonymousTroll 2
It's been a long time since OP has seen breasts, thighs, or legs. Chicken parts can do that to a man.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Yeah, you suck on that juicy bone..
MagicGiraffe 12
I'm jealous of OPs wife, those wings sound good
EvilPotato 15
1 you bastard, you stole that name from StoryOfTheYear.
ck11_fml 1
or you could just be a man and carry her and the chicken to the bedroom. she'll get the point
iheartbewbies 0
Drink a redbull. I heard it gives you wings. Then maybe she'll suck the meat out of you. Sigh... I tried.
TheFlyingMan 8
lolwutt
Neonnight 0
Weird
iamaleccarlson 0
Or drink a redbull cut off the wings and bitch slap your wife with them
HideouslyHuman 10
Make sure you soak them in sauce,the effect won't be the same otherwise....
97090370 0
Remember, always practice safe meat sucking
poostool 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Honestly, I would have liked to take that wing and put it in her ******. Then pull it out. And put it back in again. And out. And in. But that's just me...
Georgieeporgiee 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Divorce that bitch! Unless she's pregnant.... Then don't...
Iheartfunny 1
Holy shit two you are a genius. You deserve a cookie
Georgieeporgiee 9
I like cookies. Although they make you fat. So I don't want one thanks!:)
iheartbewbies 0
What about having fun with yourself with animals using a fleshlight on an animal **** site? I like to do a bit of everythig.
Doortje 30
Jealous of dead meat.. That's a new low point, buddy.
perdix 31
Slightly turned on? I'm exceptionally turned on by the image of your wife sucking meat off bones. Of course, she was doing something similar to me last night, so the symbolism is more obvious to me. Sorry, bro.
kickazz16 15
Oh perdix. You make us giggle.
Millman_fml 9
Oooo dis!! Lol
eternalibra 14
Perdix will you f me
katie1014 0
Hahahaha
torikushi 7
Well, this is something new.
DjeePee 25
There is a standard answer to these kind of FML's and it's called: 'communication'. Just give it a try.
DjeePee 25
I suggest we won't give that a try.
rhysfucker 24
Another one that generally works for me is called 'back rub' which then moves into 'foreplay'. 9 out of 10 people who get laid recommend it...
streetclosed 0
Fag
streetclosed 0
KEEV IS A F-A-G
a_nutritionist 10
@9 theres really nothing in this fml that suggests he isnt communicating.
denvan 0
Add some sauce to your meat, maybe that will do the trick
Enslaved 38
But not the hot wing sauce.... I could only imagine that it would burn. Ouch!
pixelebrate 0
Mama likes it hot.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Well make a move?
ninjuh_wingman 29
Dude you totally need to get laid, or at least do what guys do when they dont get any action
jellenwood 35
Which is?
rexgar2000 10
for a second a thought he ment cheat but **** sounds about right.