Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML
Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year-old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year-old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
She loves you enough to mark you with her scent, that should keep the other women and dangerous predators away from you.
helennaa 0
Oh my goodness. Well, at least she's honest. How do you even respond to something like that?
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Comments (84)
zenti 2
Best wife ever.
voveraite 7
It's fun and in good humour, IF YOU BOTH have the same standards for such. That's why one shouldn't say yes before they made sure they're compatible in this respect. Also, why the double standard? Except for medical emergencies, I expect a man not to fart with sound when I'm around (what I didn't hear didn't happen, and EVERYONE can make farts (and burps) mute). Rant over, lol What I wonder OP, was she always like this? It is incredibly sad if after some time of commitment, one partner decides to put the classiness aside (again, knowing fully the other does not share their notion of humor). It's basically not getting what you bargained for.
alexFYL 11
hahahaha that's like an exact conversation I have had with my boyfriend. I tease him and will say "sometimes" if he asks a queston like that, or when he's leaving for work or when I'm going out i'll say "goodbye forever". on ridiculous and playful nights, we take turns tormenting each other with dutch ovens, especially if i'm still wide awake and trying to prevent him from going to sleep. he's stronger than me so he usually wins. however, we also just got a dog, and she's better than both of us at clearing a room.
atty11 0
that's absolutely disgusting. there IS such a thing as being too comfortable with your partner.
SupaSwaggin 0
ICKY...
monbon6788 0
@47: i kno that's right.
nj1293 0
Divorce? maybe?
13929jje 0
The wonders of marriage, brutal honesty and farts. Truly beautiful.
lissasaywhaaa 0
Well, you knew who she was when you asked her to marry you. Just be proud that you found someone that loves you enough to be completely real around you. And, for the people saying women shouldn't fart; I can assure you that every woman in the world has farted and that they probably will in your presence, also. :)
justanormalkid 0
I read this.. went downstairs woke up my husband and asked him if he posted this. Why? because I am pretty sure I did this to him a couple of days ago and we live in Utah. For a womans point of view, Im IN love with him every single second of everday, but do I like him and love him all day everyday for everything he does? NO. I only want him to know the truth because lying just means that I dont care enough to spare his feelings when he is asking the questions. But tooting a little on his leg makes the situation lighthearted and saying HEY! now your stuck with me foreeeevvverr lover phace :)
PMRGchik 0
This is how my husband and I show our love. No joke, lol