Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML
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Top comments
justfienne 12
Cut a hole in the crotch, then she'll never have to take them off.
DocBastard 40
I will NEVER understand women and fashion. Squeezing yourselves into jeans just to make your ass look good, contorting your feet into high heels just to make your legs look good, shoving yourselves into push-up bras just to make your boobs look good... Actually, forget what I just said. Keep doing all those things, please. You know, for fashion.
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Comments (165)
Hancockj 0
you should find someone thinner.
goldheen 0
Shut up...
Kog_Hiro 17
Who sleeps in jeans? OP she was probably setting that up to tell you no that night. Besides, you don't just ask for sexy time, you gotta build it up, and if there's a chance she'll end up getting intimate with you. But don't push it. Women don't like that most of the time.
jesuischauve_fml 2
Fiancé is a french word. So it's fiancéE for a girl. Thank you.
perdix 31
Fiancé is the word you'd use for a man to whom you're engaged. What do they call a French grammar Nazi? A grammar Vichy collaborator? Je ne sais pas.
dani05 0
Y'all aren't even married yet and your having troubles getting her to sleep with you?
ManWhatsoever 6
That what I was thinking too
brock329 3
So sad
shakeitoff103 0
You poor thing.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Tell her you'll give her such a good "workout," and she won't have to worry about squeezing into her jeans anymore!
loserman67 36
Revert back to your middle school / early high school days and dry hump her! Make sure you have your pants off first. Then you get satisfied and she gets a nice pair of "crispy" jeans! And, no disrespect to your girlfriend, but why did you stop there, "Okay Dear, leave your jeans on and give me a ********." You, my friend, need to think outside of the "box"! See what I did there?
RedPillSucks 33
except "fun time" is inside the box.
beejade666 0
Why was she wearing jeans to bed in the first place....
perdix 31
Why would she be putting her pants back on? Are you guys trying to do one of those quiches?
RedPillSucks 33
That was my thought too. "taking it off to get it on" seems perverse.
QWERTYCommander 5
Why yes, she was planning to make quiche.
jonn090 13
Doesn't matter have sex
RedPillSucks 33
Matters if he didn't have sex