Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML
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Top comments
justfienne 12
Cut a hole in the crotch, then she'll never have to take them off.
DocBastard 40
I will NEVER understand women and fashion. Squeezing yourselves into jeans just to make your ass look good, contorting your feet into high heels just to make your legs look good, shoving yourselves into push-up bras just to make your boobs look good... Actually, forget what I just said. Keep doing all those things, please. You know, for fashion.
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Comments (165)
Driveshaft 5
Did she have jeans on her head as well? Simple solutions!!!
neffkid 0
and u coulndt just of unzippered her zipper?!
saksxalmo 20
Where do you think vaginas are...?
TexasRandi 1
U deserve it for telling her you wanted to "get it in" what happened to romance or even being a big boy & saying wanna f#?k??
thunter2000 2
Time to get a new fiancée. If its like that already its just going to get worse!
omarzrgz 3
You don't say O.O
TKello 6
Should've reminded her that having sex burns calories, thus helps to make pants loose.
SoultheWolf 19
Tell her to buy bigger pants if she doesn't want to have to squeeze into them... Or just stop eating all the junk food.
CRC_101 31
Give her money to go shopping "for a more comfortable pair of jeans," in exchange for sexy time. Does she take offense to the idea of prostitution? Either way, she should get a pair she enjoys more or learn to love good ol' pjs!
rwbdog82 5
Thts ok, I have been cockblocked by a guy who wasnt even in the same house. And I was dating her..
FrankHotpants 31
Those pants will come off eventually, wait for your opportunity and get in there.