Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML
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Top comments
justfienne 12
Cut a hole in the crotch, then she'll never have to take them off.
DocBastard 40
I will NEVER understand women and fashion. Squeezing yourselves into jeans just to make your ass look good, contorting your feet into high heels just to make your legs look good, shoving yourselves into push-up bras just to make your boobs look good... Actually, forget what I just said. Keep doing all those things, please. You know, for fashion.
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Comments (165)
DocBastard 40
I will NEVER understand women and fashion. Squeezing yourselves into jeans just to make your ass look good, contorting your feet into high heels just to make your legs look good, shoving yourselves into push-up bras just to make your boobs look good... Actually, forget what I just said. Keep doing all those things, please. You know, for fashion.
GoW_Chick 15
... and men's drool covered chins
MsMeiriona 2
Bugger that. I'll wear oversized tshirts and sweats, and skip the bra entirely. Granted, I'm flat enough I can do that.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Contrary to popular belief, if the jeans you are putting on fit properly (even skinny jeans) there is no "squeezing" that has to occur. Also, I will never understand men who walk around with their pants hanging below their butt. I mean, you guys know where that "fashion statement" came from right? It came from prison - from the prisoners who needed a way to signal other inmates that they were ready and willing for some sex without alerting the guards.
imepelepticsir 5
shit i must be ready for buttseck then. any takers?
Manganimegrl 16
I bet buttsexpirate is. He always is. Now where is he when you need him?
BostonBruinsFan 8
I think he's with your mom...
FirstTigerHobbes 13
Those jeans will be the death of your sex life...
eeeeeeee 5
First-world problems.
kimee21_fml 15
Haha, I understand her, but thats why I now buy jeggings, same look and its so much more confortable :)
JohnnyxViet 0
well why don't you ask for a blow or hand? those don't require taking pants off for her.
GoW_Chick 15
She should invest in mini skirts, then when sexy time comes around she won't have an excuse. ;)
CaptainPickles72 18
Brings a whole new meaning to lift and separate!
charal3_fml 5
Ahah+1
wooley29 8
You got blocked because she didn't want to have sex with you. The jeans were just an excuse.
Clamcreepy 7
Death to all cockblocking jeans.
MaceFaceLOL 8
That's tight...no? Ok
DarkRemorse 1
Lol girls these days
haberdasher324 0
Give her a glass of water to drink and wait...the next time she has to go to the bathroom the pants are already half way off right? Mission accomplished.
Havin 19
Excellent *sneers like Mr. Burns*