Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not a virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", Honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my daughter said she wanted to be vegetarian like me. Beaming with pride, I made her plant-based burgers for dinner. She took one bite, screamed, "EW!" and started crying and begging for beef burgers. FML
Today, I was teaching a girl from the neighborhood how to cook, telling her to start by washing the veggies. She said, "Oh, because you’re vegan, right?" No dear, because they’re dirty. FML
Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I got home to my daughter in tears because her dad decided 5 was the ideal age to tell her the chicken, bacon, and mince she eats every day comes from dead chickens, piggies, and moo cows. I now have a vegetarian 5 year-old and I’m seriously worried about malnutrition and stunted growth. FML
Today, my daughters announced they had big news. They had a whole presentation saying they wanted our entire family to go vegan. When I told them, as gently as I could, that that was never happening, they burst into tears, screaming, "The planet is burning! Meat is killing us all!" They're 11 and 9. FML
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Top comments
thebigtwinkie 28
Just a mistake, I'm going to guess that your daughter doesn't know what virgin means so she's not to blame, and neither is OP
saba_ajira 29
Those, my friends, are two very different words. Sorry you had to deal with that OP
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Comments (127)
saba_ajira 29
Those, my friends, are two very different words. Sorry you had to deal with that OP
urdirtyolduncle 15
Either way, she's getting some meat
omnia 5
Your username works so well with this comment.
noah_1234 24
sorry you had to go through that
sebassm 12
This is the best thing I've read all day49
thebigtwinkie 28
Just a mistake, I'm going to guess that your daughter doesn't know what virgin means so she's not to blame, and neither is OP
ELoni_fml 25
I do wonder how old OP's daughter is.
thebigtwinkie 28
Yeah, me too
crushcrusher 33
She's just a kid.
shay_serendipity 29
Yes but the age of the kid would change my perspective of things...
lnheritance 19
Yes. Not pointing fingers or saying anything here, but in today's world you never know with some kids. I am hoping though that OP's kid is fairly young. Hopefully all was clarified OP. :).
skyeyez9 25
I am guessing no older than 8
mary_13 26
Man I've heard of 16 year old's still doing things like that it's just sad what the world's come to now.
Gmoney12 18
It's sad that the teacher wasn't able to figure out what she meant. When are kids starting to have sex these days? Lol
SkittlesGoRawr 19
Unfortunately, around 10-12. If you don't believe me, just know that I have to put up with these kids everyday.
Lil_Red777 21
The teacher could have been concerned the girl was being abused.
foxwasalamb 24
very true. better to be safe than sorry.
oreoeater 21
Ever heard of rape? Or a pedophile and the fact you ended that with "Lol" tells me you're new here
Izabushel 65
#31 I know, it's so sad. I delivered a baby to an 11 year old girl a few years ago. One night I delivered 3 babies, and the oldest mum was 16. The other two were only 14 years old.
Gmoney12 18
Nope not new here. My mind just doesn't go straight to atrocities when I think of a little girl mis-using a word.
mary_13 26
Me too #106 a lot of the people on here can be very negative and go after other people for hardly any reason it's unfortunate but true.
extrasnipes 22
I don't think it's that bad, most kids in her class probably wouldn't know what virgin means. And you could easily explain that to the teacher. Unless it's like grade 6& up then well she screwed herself over for a couple of years
blueblu97 16
But the rest of the class probably didn't know what it meant
XBurytheCastleX 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
May I ask why you started eating slaughtered animals again? But that sounds hilarious... Kids say funny things.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
They may have gone to vegetarianism instead. So possibly no meat.
slyde32 12
besides, what does it matter to you why they eat it? I eat meat, and I'll tell you why, because we're omnivores, and meat is part of a balanced diet
doodlecloud 27
Well most people can have a perfectly balanced diet without meat though. I have no problem with you eating meat, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Veggie and omni are both valid options.
wolfheartmoon 12
OP didn't even say they were vegan or vegetarian. Just the daughter was.
gothicminx89 3
My friends two kids decided one day they didn't to eat meat then 6 months later changed their minds. Kids do that sort of thing
XBurytheCastleX 25
We don't need it to survive. Anyways, I love meat but I am so sick of eating animals that are beaten and I can't afford to eat pampered meat, so I avoid it completely.
zAstonish 20
Veganism is not a valid choice.
brand125 17
**** off people, eat what you want but stop telling others what to eat.
Echoa21 18
Found the vegan
12121314cm 8
The animal is already dead and sitting at the grocery so not eating the meat is actully worse cause then the animal has not served its purpose and is a waste
sparty48910 5
Wanna know why I eat meat? It's ******* delicious. Few things are better than a well cooked steak.
ohSNAPyall 27
You might just want umami (savory flavor). Try a really good (not Kraft / Sargento) hunk of mozzarella or ricotta. Mmmm
trex454 21
one word... Bacon
XBurytheCastleX 25
I think bacon is disgusting. I'm not vegan I'm vegetarian btw.
ELoni_fml 25
@64 are you seriously that stupid? It's a demand and supply case. "It's already dead" could possibly be the dumbest thing to say..
12121314cm 8
#88 ever hear of a manager discount that grocery stores have u know when a product is close to being bad ,ok good thought u did and u see discounts on meat because its not selling so since its already at the store u are not saving a life but are wasting one and then it spoils
mary_13 26
True that #43 for real thou this site makes me so mad sometimes because a lot of the people on here are mean and judge every little thing can't we just let shit go, really.
Larka25 6
Actually there are certain components that are necessary for health only found in meat for an adult foregoing meat isn't good but it's not as bad as for a child who is still growing. Americans eat way to much meat but it is necessary without it,supplements must be used; which are often animal derived anyway.
ELoni_fml 25
Like a vegan, tasted for the very first time, like a vegan, with your bacon, next to mine. -Madonna
TiiBags 15
She lost her veganity...
imjanty 10
Kids are so innocent, I am sure she's gonna have a good laugh about this when she's all grown up.
Kyle1dc 17
Oh my God, she brings a boy to meet OP, "Guess what she did in grade school?"