Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML
Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
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Top comments
vacantdreamer 0
Congrats. Your man admits to being a pig.
CallMeHush 1
OK , so to test that out I just sent the same text to my wife. Her reply; WTF?
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Comments (94)
this_one 2
What does that even mean? "My feeling's aren't mutual?"
baileyw 0
What does that even mean you stupid.
ScaryyMary 14
At least he didn't call it Jesus.
ScaryyMary 14
Yeah, but that one was just so funny... Ironically enough with all these kosher jokes being thrown around, Jesus was Jewish! Oh, and just call me Mary. :)
rockstatic 0
What's funny is if he said "Don't touch my pork" you would be complaining just as much.
Dubstep_fml 1
win^
perdix 31
Tell him you want a Pulled Pork Sammich!
perdix 31
Of course the feeling can't be mutual, you don't have pork for him to touch. If you do, yuck.
hater4life 0
hey maybe one of his friends got ahold of his phone an text you as a k joke
Pissedoff2464 0
#71's got it right! who the hell calls their dick "pork". turn off beyond all levels. you should go to his house and chop off his so called pork and tell him: "dinner is served, Milimeter Peter".
epictrollathon 0
The love of your life was offering you bacon. I'd say that makes it a mutual feeling.
ferrarimach1 0
what if it's a girl who siad to touch her pork my feelings would be mutual if a girl siad that to me (I'm asumming it's a girl op but let's think outside the box here)